Of Love and Abandonment Issues
by Kazy
Summary: Sequel to Of Need and Abandonment Issues. Felicity and Oliver have been dating for two months when her ex-fiancé calls, asking for a favor. Established Oliver/Felicity. HEA with angst in between. [post 217]
1. Part One

Hey it's me again! A few people asked for a **follow-up** to my other fic **Of Need and Abandonment Issues** and it turned out I wasn't ready to let go of the characters and the way they'd been set up. If you haven't read the first fic, I don't think it matters too much.

Please, keep in mind that the first fic was written after episode 217 and this one was started right after episode 220. **Felicity is therefore** **not from Vegas but from California**, she lives in an apartment and Roy is still shot with mirakuru.

This will be a four-part story.

**Of Love and Abandonment Issues**

**I.**

Felicity grew up hearing that when life gives you lemons, you better make lemonade. So far, life had given her crappy parents, and a lot of heartbreak. She'd figured then that she could turn that pain into positive energy. But now that she's actually dating the guy that she has been ogling for the past four years (and steadily falling in love with in the process because damn those abs), now that the guy has seduced her and voluntarily asked her to be his girlfriend, she doesn't really know what to make of it.

Abs-omade doesn't sound realistic (is she supposed to press the abs and keep the juice? Is it weird that the idea turns her on?).

Felicity has been walking on freaking sunshine and cloud nine at the same time for two full months. Two months of ignoring Diggle's exasperated sighs, warning looks and throat-clearings every time he walks into a room that her and Oliver have been occupying by themselves. Two months of pinching herself every time Oliver tries to steal a kiss, gives her that secretive smile of his, or makes her come four times a day (at work. Between meetings. She's not even sorry).

Felicity feels like she's having it all. She spends day and night with a man who understands everything she's going through. Oliver knows why she's cranky in the car when he drives her home. He gives her space when she doesn't want to talk while she hacks at QC. He leaves the restaurant at the same time as her when Lance calls with an emergency.

She feels like they're a badass couple who can take over the world.

She also feels like she's dreaming.

"Miss Smoak?" Oliver asks in front of Jared Alston.

Her head perks up but she fights the need to roll her eyes. She's the one who insists on keeping their relationship a secret for the time being. They don't need any more rumors about them.

"Didn't you tell me that you had plans for tonight?"

Felicity's eyes widen and fly to the right corner of her computer. Shoot. She's going to be late for their date. For someone who is never on time for anything, Oliver is really good at keeping her schedule straight. And at making sure that if they're both late for a meeting it's going to be completely his fault and not hers.

"Oh yeah, Mister Queen," she responds, emphasizing his last name because she knows what it does to him, "are you sure you don't need me here anymore?"

Oliver nods, but Felicity notices the hunger in his eyes.

"Well there's nothing more you can do _here_ tonight. Go home and enjoy your evening," he tells her.

"I think I will, Mister Queen," she taunts.

Diggle comes out of the elevator right at that moment and winces in exhaustion when he witnesses the looks they exchange. Alston drags Oliver back in a conversation about a very important investment he should make with Wayne Industries, bringing an amused grin to Felicity's face.

"You guys are the least subtle secret couple ever," Diggle mocks.

"You're just saying that because you know," she banters.

"No. I'm saying this because I've seen too much, and heard too much, and you guys are gross."

"You spend too much time with A.J, Digg."

"Whatever. I miss the times when I could walk in the foundry and not fear of stumbling on a reenactment of the best of Youporn."

Felicity raises her eyebrows and grimaces as she gets up and gathers her purse and coat.

"Ew, Digg!"

"Exactly. Ew."

"What are we supposed to do, stop looking at each other?" she asks, shrugging her coat on and throwing a glance in Oliver's direction.

Oliver is staring at her with a look of utter despair. She vows that she'll make it up to him tonight as she smiles at him in support. Poor guy. It's his third meeting with Alston this week. The guy is the definition of boredom, what with his bland suits and transparent, unexpressive face.

"If it helps!"

Her phone starts ringing as she laughs. She takes it out of her pocket and checks the caller I.D but the number is blocked.

"Okay, I hear ya, I'll make sure it doesn't happen anymore. Hello?"

Diggle snorts in absolute disbelief. "Yeah right."

"_Felicity?_" someone slurs in the phone.

Felicity's heart stops. She freezes in her step, her eyes stuck on the open doors of the elevator.

"Aaron?" she whispers in dread.

It's the first time she hears from Aaron in the seven months they've been broken up. They dated for a little over a year, and had planned on getting married before Aaron had realized that Felicity would never be as available as he wanted her to be and broken things off.

Honestly, Felicity feels disgusted when she thinks about what she did to Aaron. She loved him — now she knows that she wasn't in love with him, but she loved him and the idea of a normal life that he brought with him — but she sort of led him on, settling for him because she felt then that she couldn't have Oliver.

To be truthful, she still doesn't feel like she really has Oliver, but at least she's not leading anyone on. If anything, she's the one risking her heart there.

"_Fe-li-ci-teeeehhh_," Aaron mumbles in response.

She frowns and blinks. Her heart has started beating again, but it feels like a hand is clutching it and it hurts against her ribcage. There's something clogging her throat. She recognizes it as shame.

But it's been seven months, now. Why is he calling after all that time? Surely he's either moved on or still doesn't want to talk to her, right?

"Are you drunk?" she asks.

"_Yes. Yes, I'm drunk_," Aaron sighs.

"What's wrong? What happened?"

She hears Aaron's broken sobs through the phone and all color fades from her face. She feels like she needs to sit. But she steels herself for what's coming because it sounds like it's going to hit her like a concrete wall. Frankly, nothing he's going to tell her will be something she hasn't already repeated to herself. She's a terrible human being. She's a selfish bitch. She should have let him go before he went all in. She should have loved him more. He deserves better.

She turns her back to the glass wall because she can feel Oliver's gaze on her and she can't deal with her guilt and his concern and has she mentioned her guilt? Because she moved on so fast after she stomped on Aaron's heart like it was no big deal. Because she's actually happy with another man. Because she's dating the guy that Aaron was so scared of losing her to.

But Aaron's blaming words never come. Instead, he coughs something unintelligible and yells at someone in the background.

"Aaron? Where are you? What's wrong?" she repeats.

"_I'm at The Corner, Smoaky_," he says.

"The Corner? In Milford?"

"_Yop_," and he makes the p pop like he did when he was eighteen. She can picture him passing his hand over his face, looking for his next words.

And suddenly, she knows exactly why he's calling. It's not to yell at her because she's a selfish bitch who broke his heart. It's because she's the only one who can understand what he feels right now. Her face softens immediately, before she even hears his words.

"_My dad's dead_."

She closes her eyes in compassion and stays quiet for a second, gulping.

"What's going on?" Oliver asks behind her.

She pushes his voice away.

"I'm so sorry, Aaron. When?"

Aaron sniffs, and she hears him down another shot.

"_Earlier this morning. You're my first call, isn't that sad?_"

Felicity opens her mouth to answer, and walks back to her seat in front of her desk. She takes her glasses off, and drops her forehead in her left hand.

"What happened? Was he sick?"

"_Oh he was sick alright!_" Aaron slurs.

She can't help the smile that the old joke brings to her face.

"Hey now, he wasn't that bad."

"_He hid all the acceptance letters from the West Coast. I was accepted at Boston College. My mom told me after we broke up last year_," he sniggers, and it's a sound full of hurt and pain that makes Felicity's lungs collapse.

"It doesn't mean we would have worked out then. You can't live with what ifs, Aaron."

"_Ah, today I can. My dad's dead because he yelled at me and I'm drunk. I killed my dad, Felicity_."

"No you didn't. He had a heart attack, I take it?"

"_He was yelling at me. Because I'm a terrible son who quit his job_."

"You quit your job?! Why? What happened?"

But Aaron doesn't answer. He just sobs in the phone and Felicity can feel from her seat the pain that is overtaking him. Full on guilt placates her. She broke him. She broke the guy who made her happy and tried to be the best he could for a year. The guy who wanted her whole and the guy she wouldn't open up to.

"_I need you, Felicity_," he weeps.

She closes her eyes, and blinks the tears away. Behind her desk, she hears Oliver basically shoeing Alston away, and Diggle whispering with him.

"_Please_," Aaron begs.

Felicity's bottom lip wobbles, but she keeps it together.

"I don't think your mom is going to want to see me, Aaron," she sighs.

"_Fuck my mom_."

"Ew. No thanks."

"_Please, Felicity. Please come. I need you_."

"I can probably make it to the funeral. When is it?"

"_In two days. But you can make it here in three hours. And drink with me_."

She stays quiet, staring decidedly at a pen lying on her desk, refusing to look up and meet Oliver's gaze.

"I don't think it's a good idea. And you're drunk. When you sober up, you'll probably get sick looking at my face."

"_Felicity… There's no one else I can call. Or want to see. Everyone here is already giving me platitudes and 'he was such a wonderful man' bullshit and I… I want to scream at them. Please. _Please."

What can she say? How can she say no? She should probably discuss this with Oliver. But she can't bring herself to tell Aaron that she needs to talk about it with her boyfriend first. Why kick a wounded man? And he'll have questions. He'll know that it's Oliver. Maybe that's her out. Maybe that's the way she doesn't have to show up. Shatter him further so she doesn't have to face what she did and support the guy who gave her chance after chance.

But he was there when she needed him senior year of high school, and he was a wonderful boyfriend and fiancé for a year and… and she loves him. He was her first love. She can't let him down now. And it's not like Oliver asks her permission to do anything. It's her life, after all. She's not going down there to hook up with her ex, just to show support to an old friend who, okay, fine, she was engaged to for two months.

"_Felicity…_"

She bites her lips. There's longing in his voice, but she can't deal with that.

"Okay," she murmurs. "Okay, I'll come down as soon as I can. Does Hank still work there?"

"_Yeah_," is his answer, and she can hear the relief in his voice.

"Pass the phone over to him."

"'_kay, boss_." Felicity hears muffled sounds as the phone is moved around.

She smiles weakly when she hears Hank's deep throaty voice.

"_Yeah?_" he grunts. "_Smoak?_"

"Hey Hank. How you doing?"

"_Better than Millers, that's for sure. I guess you heard the news? Sad story. It's all over town already, his mom is already planning on suing the doctors who couldn't reanimate him_."

"Yikes," she winces. "but typical Joan. Hey can you do me a favor?"

"_Sure. You coming down?_"

"Yes, but it's going to take a few hours. Cut him off please, he's had enough right now. And make sure he stays okay and doesn't get into a fight?"

"_You got it_."

"Thanks Hank. I'll see you later."

He passes the phone over to Aaron who sighs drunkenly. "_I'll be the one sleeping on the counter_."

"I'm sure you will. Stop drinking. I'll be there soon."

"_Thanks Smoaky. You're the best_."

She doesn't answer, and after a moment of hesitation she hangs up the phone. But her eyes don't look up. She doesn't feel like she can handle Oliver's questions, and mood and judgment. What if he's jealous? What if he doesn't understand and wants to break things off?

"Aaron lost someone?" Oliver queries on an even tone.

But she knows that tone. It's the same one he used when he asked her about their dates back when they were a thing and he couldn't stand her boyfriend. Like he doesn't really want to hear the answer. But at least he's trying, right? That gives Felicity the strength to look at him in the eyes.

"Yeah," she replies unsteadily. "His dad died of a heart attack yelling at him. He's a mess. A very drunk mess."

"And you're going down to see him?" he presses, as Diggle walks towards the elevator to give them some privacy.

She'd forgotten about Diggle. That makes the guilt feel heavier.

"He… He's alone, and he asked me to come. It's just for support, don't worry. I'll probably stay until the funeral — it's the day after tomorrow. Or he might kick me out once he sobers up but either way…"

Oliver obviously forces himself to nod. He looks tense, but plays it cooler than she thought he would.

"I hope it's okay?" she asks in a small voice.

She knows it doesn't matter what Oliver's opinion is on the topic. She'll go to Milford anyway and try to help Aaron out because she at least owes him that. Not because she broke his heart and lied to his face multiple times. But because he's a good person that has lost his way and she can be the anchor that he's craving right now.

"Sure," Oliver shrugs. He means to say 'absolutely not', she can tell, but again: he's trying and that's all that matters. At least that prevents a fight. She feels like all the fight has left her anyway. "Rain check on our date?"

The question has a punching effect on her. Felicity knows exactly where it comes from. She has the weirdest déjà vu ever. That was the sentence that Aaron told her every time she had to cancel their plans. Because she had a Green Arrow emergency.

Now, she has an Aaron emergency, and she feels like she's acting like a jerk to Oliver who has done nothing to deserve this. Is there ever going to be a time when she doesn't feel stretched between the two? It's not even romantic. It wasn't romantic then with Oliver, and it won't be romantic when she shows up at Aaron's massive pity-party but…

"Do you want me to come?" Oliver volunteers.

Her eyes fly to meet his in surprise as she ponders the question.

Does she want him to come? Yes. They have barely spent a night apart since they started dating and it feels weird to imagine spending the next three days being the shoulder her ex cries on. Considering that she's going to be facing her stupid former classmates and Aaron's mom, Felicity figures that she's probably also going to need the support.

But does she want him to come with her, really? Meeting Madison Blanchard and her bitch-friends that will be happy to call her names, and seeing the Millers eye her while she stands at Aaron's father's funeral with her brand new boyfriend when she should have been planning her wedding with them? Does she want the attention to switch from the Millers' grief to Felicity's dating status? She wishes so often that Oliver wasn't that famous.

Does she want Oliver to discover the shitty house that she lived in and see that he feels sorry for her? No. Plus, if Felicity is contemplating the idea of seeing her mother for the first time in nine years, she sure as hell does not want Oliver to be a witness.

"No, thanks," she eventually replies. "Besides Diggle, Roy and Thea no one knows we're dating and I don't think it's the best time for us to come forward. I already ruined him, I'm not adding salt to that wound."

It's technically true, but not the only reason why she doesn't want him to come. He understands though.

"Okay, I get it."

There's a distance between them for the first time in two months. Like a physical barrier, that she can visualize and doesn't feel she has the right to cross. She clenches her fist to prevent it from trembling as she looks away in shame.

"Are you angry?" she can't help asking.

She feels anger directed at herself rise in her chest. She sounds like a stupid little girl, how ridiculous and pathetic is that? _Grow the fuck up, Felicity._

Why can't she break the pattern? Why does she always feel like she has to choose, and like she's disappointing the men in her life? Oliver's obviously not over the moon that she's leaving for her hometown so she can handle her ex fiancé's grief. Not that Oliver knows. That she was engaged to Aaron, that is. She hasn't mentioned it to him, like ever. Is that even his concern, in the end? It's between Aaron and her, really.

She kind of wishes she could take it all away. Saying yes to Aaron, and hiding it to everyone. She still can't face why she never told Oliver. She can be honest with herself: she kept it to herself because she didn't want Oliver to know. She suspects why, but she can't exactly voice it. Not now. Maybe not ever.

Oliver sighs and takes a step in her direction.

"No, I'm not. Am I ecstatic that you're going away? No. But you're right, he needs you and you guys had something. I can understand and respect that. You wouldn't be you if you didn't go."

His words and calm tone wash over her, and she finds herself forgetting her stupid rules of not telling anyone they're dating as she crashes against him. Oliver wraps his arms around her and rubs her arms slowly, kissing the top of her head.

He understands. Thank God he understands. He'd do the same for Laurel. He gets it. Felicity relaxes under his touch, and gets on the tips of her toes to press a kiss on his lips. Oliver responds, but before it turns into anything too passionate, Felicity remembers her promise to Digg and takes a step back.

"Thanks."

"Just keep your phone on, okay? I will be stalking you. And call when you get there."

"You wouldn't be you if you didn't," she chuckles faintly. "But I'll stalk you too, lay off the Green Arrow business, okay? Just for a few days."

Oliver smiles and takes her hand in his to bring it to his mouth.

"Do I get a reward if I obey?" he asks.

Diggle's lung-wrenching cough prevents her from answering.

"You might want to wait downstairs while we say goodbye, John. I'll meet you in a few minutes," she offers when Oliver grins shamelessly.

"You're worse than freaking teenagers," Diggle grunts out as the doors for the elevator close after him.

Felicity turns to Oliver, but before she can say anything he has her pinned against the glass wall, his mouth on hers. One of his hands has slid under her skirt, skimming over her thigh while the other cups her cheek. Felicity can't help the moan that escapes her, and Oliver takes the opportunity to lick her lip, his tongue seeking hers hungrily.

Felicity is taken back to the first time they had sex, on the other side of that very same glass door, on Oliver's desk. She remembers thinking that Oliver was losing it after not having sex for over a year — that she knew of but then again, he owed her no explanations at the time — and wanting to push him away because it wasn't right for him and she was worried it would ruin what they had.

She remembers being torn between feeling so good, feeling like she was finally home, like everything was fucking right for the first time in years, and realizing after that it was _Oliver_ and that Oliver didn't do girlfriends whose last name wasn't Lance. Because of the life that he leads, Oliver doesn't want to date people he could care about that can't defend themselves like badass motherfuckers.

Then, when she found herself in the elevator, Aaron's name finally flashed in her mind, and his voice asking her about Oliver and wondering about their relationship suddenly played over in her head and she'd been devastated with self-loathing and guilt. She'd cried herself to sleep that night, thinking she'd lost everything.

She still can't believe Oliver is so eager to be with her. Obviously she's doing something right. She returns his kiss happily, biting his lip, caressing his cheek tenderly, her hand lost in his hair and fisting his shirt for balance.

When they eventually separate, Oliver's forehead comes against hers, his mouth inches from hers as he tucks a loose lock of her hair behind her ear.

"What was that for?" she asks breathlessly.

"Just something to remember me by for the next three days."

Felicity rolls her eyes at his antics. He doesn't need to play jealous, he knows that there's no one else but him in her life — Aaron dumping her for that exact reason being exhibit A of that demonstration.

"Be safe, okay?" he murmurs, and his eyes say something else.

She tends to forget how much of a stalkerish control freak Oliver can be sometimes.

"I'm going to a funeral in Milford, California. The only thing I should fear is the cheerlea-bitches that can't wait to tear me down. Lots of fun in perspective."

"You sure you don't want me to come with you?"

"Hell yes. That'd only make it worse. Friendless Felicity, showing up at her ex-boyfriend's father's funeral with a multi-billionaire as her new boyfriend? My parents brought enough soap to that opera when I was a kid, trust me. Besides, I can take Madison Blanchard any day. I was trained by a solider and an assassin, remember?"

Oliver grins at her, and kisses her once more before letting her go.

As the doors close before her, and the elevator begins its descent to the parking lot, Felicity's stomach does the same. Her dread, worry, self-loathing and guilt creep back in.

She's going to face her ex-fiancé and his family.

For the past two months, Felicity has felt like she was walking on sunshine and cloud nine at the same time. Of course that perfect bubble was going to burst into pieces. She's not stupid. The honeymoon phase doesn't go on forever. It's a miracle there ever was a honeymoon phase, now that she thinks about it.

One phone call.

In the end, one phone call made Felicity's reality crash and burn. And she realizes: that is exactly what she has been expecting. All that time. These past two months, she's been wary, scared and high on love. Because all along, she has been waiting for the other shoe to drop.

As the elevator pings for the parking lot, Felicity gulps. The other shoe is dropping hard.

* * *

Milford, California is two hours South of Starling City and as sad looking as Felicity remembers. It may always be sunny in California, but there's a choking atmosphere in Milford that's always creeped Felicity out and sucked the life out of her. Maybe it's just all the bad memories. Probably.

Felicity left her hometown on a bright day of June nine years ago, her shitty car literally vomiting boxes and clothes, as she drove to M.I.T and weather-changing Massachusetts. She came back once, for Christmas of freshman year but it turned out to be such a debacle that she decided it wasn't worth the effort and emotional distress.

She never had to come back either. She was barely done with M.I.T when Walter Steele's PA had contacted her and made her a very tempting offer.

Adam Miller's death is the cause of her return to her hometown. She can't fathom that. Honestly, Felicity was sure when she left that Christmas and vowed to not come back unless there was a real reason that she'd be back for her own mother's funeral. How ironic.

As Felicity parks in the shady parking lot of The Corner, amongst the trucks and the convertibles, a wave of unease suffocates her. She physically cannot be in that town. Every step she makes, she's weary of meeting with Madison Blanchard, or Joan Millers, or god forbid, her mother. But luck eventually smiles at her and when she takes a step in the bar that she spent so many hours in when she was in high school, no one notices her, and she recognizes nobody.

Aaron is sprawled on the far side of the counter, his head dropped on his hands, drooling on the wood. Felicity's heart hurts as she takes in the vision of her former boyfriend looking like her mother on her worst days. Would that have been his reaction if they'd stayed together? Is that what she does to people? Break them, make them want to quit and drown themselves into oblivion?

But right now, it's not about her. It's about Aaron's dad dying, Aaron's dad being a douche who terrorized his son into doing what he thought was right, Aaron losing his dad without ever fixing their relationship.

She nods a hello to Hank who smiles happily at her and goes in for a hug as he walks around the counter.

"How grown up! I'd never recognize you!" he tells her fondly.

Hank is an overweight bearded man who drinks too much but always had Felicity's back when Madison and her friends came looking for trouble. For that, Felicity will always be grateful.

"Thanks, Hank. How much do I owe you?" she asks, tilting her head in Aaron's direction.

"Don't worry about it. He's a lightweight, didn't even drink that much. It's on the house."

"Thanks," she smiles weakly. "Hey, do me another favor, don't tell my mom I'm here."

"Your mom?" Hank asks. "She's shacking up with a new guy last I heard. It's too recent for her to get her head out and check how things are."

"Well, just in case. You never know."

"You got it. Take care of him, 'kay kiddo?"

Felicity smiles at him and heads towards Aaron. He doesn't say a word and clings to her as soon as he notices that she's there. By the time they reach her tiny car, the shoulder of her t-shirt is drenched in tears.

* * *

When she drops him off at his parents' place a few hours later, in the room they made out like crazy when they were teenagers, Felicity is reminded that she has nowhere to stay. None of this even came up to her before that moment. She's called Max in the car to make sure that she wouldn't be killed off the second she parked in Milford — Max told her it was actually a good thing that she'd accepted to come — but she didn't offer to host her at her parents'.

There's absolutely no way she's sleeping at the Millers. Don't even get her started on staying at her mother's. Max and Hannah live in Vancouver and will land in the morning and Felicity doesn't feel at ease with the idea of knocking on Max's parents' door and crash at their place.

That's how at ten pm on a Thursday night Felicity is seriously contemplating sleeping in her car. Then she remembers that there's a hotel in the next town and she decides to stay there under a fake name so she's sure no one knows she's here.

Then she calls Oliver. He picks up on the first ring and offers to drive down to join her once more. She doesn't know if it's because he cares, because he's curious of her hometown, or because he's worried of her relationship with Aaron. Probably a little bit of the three. But it's Milford, California. There's no room for the Oliver Queens of the world there. There's no room for heroes and vigilantes, just barely enough for misery and shitty parents who manipulate their kids and make them feel like crap on a daily basis.

* * *

The day after, Aaron calls her and asks if she can come with him to make the funeral arrangements. His mother has barricaded herself in her room and refuses to come out. Aaron tells her his sister Hannah is the only one who can get through to her in such cases and leaves her to her sorrow mercilessly. He doesn't mention anything about them being a couple almost a year ago. He doesn't drink at all. They barely talk, and Felicity wonders what the hell she's doing there in the almost desert, hanging out with a guy who shouldn't want her there but craves her support.

That night, Hannah and Max take them out for dinner and it's the weirdest, most-awkward non-double date ever. Every one drinks too much except Felicity who wonders what she's doing there. This would have been her life, if Aaron hadn't let her go. If she hadn't answered every single one of Oliver's texts and calls. If she'd ditched Team Arrow.

Sitting at a sticky table at The Corner in the eerie calm of that dead town, Felicity feels empty and soulless and wrong.

She misses the buoyant lights of Starling City, the ear-splitting noise of helicopters roaming through the dark sky and police sirens tearing up the calming hum of the ever-present traffic. She misses the busy atmosphere of QC, the rhythm of Digg and Roy's hits during their training sessions as they banter and laugh in the foundry, and Oliver's voice in her ear when she gives him directions to save the city.

It hits her how much Aaron is not made for her. She's never realized how much of a life she has created for herself, or at least how much she adores the life that Oliver introduced her to. When she was seventeen, Aaron was everything to her. He made her laugh, he made her life in Milford so much more alive, so much easier. She could escape emotionally and physically, in ways that her computers couldn't allow. And she was happy.

It's only been a day, and she is longing for her life back in Starling. She keeps thinking about it, about waking up at 6 to go to a fake job that she shouldn't have so much fun doing, about working eighteen hours a day for secret missions with three broken bulks of men that she loves with all her heart.

Hannah, Max and Aaron are torn up by Adam Millers' death but she can see what that town does to those who live here. She knows Aaron would have wanted to settle down in the suburbs after they got married. Settle in a town much like Milford, a town that drains its inhabitants of life and desires leaving only resignation and hope of a better life for their own kids. Everything here is grey and void.

Felicity's eyes abruptly open on her own story. On how her life is so clearly divided between a before and after.

There's a life with low-hanging ponytails, long grey skirts and pale pink blouses that Oliver Queen barged into, all fake-smiles and lame-ass lies. And then there's color everywhere. Purple nails, bloodstains, green hoods and crimson scars. Bloodshed and death and bat-shit people but loyalty, exhilaration and that crazy fucking sensation of feeling alive and being fully aware of it.

Participating in that family conversation is the most awkward thing that's ever happened to Felicity. She drives the drunken lot to their ghost of a house, and heads back to her hotel. She calls Oliver and can't exactly handle the emotions that overtake her. There are too many at the same time and the distance makes nothing easier.

She's head over heels in love with that man, for so many reasons she can't even name them. She forces herself to cut the conversation short because she knows that she'll end up telling him to join her and she _can't do that_. She can't do that to Aaron. She can't do that to herself, depend on him that much.

The morning after is the funeral. It's the first time that she sees Joan Millers since her breakup with Aaron, and Felicity is fully aware that the only reason she's not being torn apart is because Hannah and Aaron have both told her off. Felicity tries to blend in at the last row but Aaron comes to look for her, grabs her hand and leads her to the front to stand by his side.

It's like Moira's funeral, except the son is actually there, and mourning the father figure he had and the one he wished he'd had.

"I think it's time for me to go, Aaron," she whispers when they reach his house where all the guests are regrouping, carrying food and platitudes.

Felicity has noticed Madison Blanchard in the crowd, and she just can't take that soul-wrenching feeling anymore. Aaron looks at her in misery.

"Can't you stay a little while longer? Just until this is done?"

His pleading tone makes her will crumble. But then it hits her. She opens her mouth, hating herself for what she's doing.

"And then what? This is not my place, I wasn't supposed to be in the front row. I came here as your _friend_. I'm not your fiancée anymore."

"I…" he begins, lamely. "I know. I just thought…"

"I should have realized sooner, it's my fault I can't…" _disappoint the men in my life_, she wants to say. She has daddy issues, he's fully aware. And he used it and his sorrow and his father's death to turn things around and that makes Felicity feel both angry and guilty.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to kiss you," he grunts bitterly, running his hand in his curly hair. "Not because I don't want to, but because I've seen how much of a _friend_ you've been."

Felicity clutches her steering wheel and frowns. What the hell? How does that make her a bad person?

"What is that supposed to mean? Why do you make it sound like such a bad thing?"

"Saint Felicity, coming to rescue her miserable ex."

"Hey, you're the one who called me! I was just trying to be there for you!"

"And you can't wait to get the hell out of dodge! It's like you weren't even there, looking at your phone every goddamn second! I'm amazed _he_ hasn't called you or showered you with texts the entire time!"

"What the hell do you want from me, Aaron? _You_ called, _you_ begged me to come, and I did! I dropped my life in Starling City in a moment's notice, showed up within a few hours to clean up your mess and be the friend you wanted me to be!"

"I don't want you to be my friend!" Aaron suddenly yells. "I don't, okay? I want you to fucking want to be with me and marry me! I quit because I messed up at work because you broke my heart! And now my dad's dead and…"

Felicity's entire body turns into ice.

"Are you implying that your father's dead because of _me_?" she asks, her tone so cold it freezes Aaron. "I broke your heart and you make mistakes and it's all on me? Screw you, Aaron. Get out of my car."

"No — Felicity, I didn't mean that…"

"I doesn't matter if you didn't mean it," Felicity articulates, her voice wavering in barely contained anger. "I get that you're hurting and that I messed up _almost a year ago_, and I know that I led you on and that in anyone's book I'm a selfish bitch, okay? And I am sorry. I'm sorry for what I did to you, for the way I handled our relationship. You didn't deserve this. But it happened, and you're a grown up, and you never called to get explanations…"

"Like you would've given any!"

"Maybe not. But I'm not responsible for your father's death. And neither are you for that matter. Don't blame yourself, and you better not blame me. I might be responsible for a lot of hurt to a lot a people but your father's death is not on me. Now I need to go."

"I'm sorry, Felicity. I didn't mean to imply… I…"

"Whatever. Apology accepted. I have to go."

Her cellphone suddenly rings on the dashboard and Oliver's name flashes like a burning fire. Felicity refuses to feel guilty, and pushes the creeping emotion away. But Aaron sees through her immediately and the sigh that he exhales would have worsen everything if he hadn't just basically yelled at her for things that she can't take responsibility for.

"So you and him, huh?"

"It's none of your business," she answers immediately.

She doesn't pick up but texts Oliver that now is not a good time.

"You're right," he chuckles brokenly. "Have a great life, Felicity. For what it's worth, I really am sorry."

"So am I. Goodbye."

Aaron looks at her like he wants to say more but eventually shakes his head and gets out of the car.

"Well, I guess that's what people call closure," she grumbles.

* * *

She's so lost in her thoughts as she drives out of Milford that she doesn't notice that she has parked in front of her childhood home. It looks more decrepit than it used to be. The paint on the outside walls is chipped, many shutters are now unhinged and the yard is a mess.

Felicity doesn't get out of her car. But she can see through the window her mother's thinner face as she walks around the house. It's poorly lit, but she can make out her silhouette. What she can't make out is how she feels about the view. Sadness? Regret? Longing?

Aaron and his dad had such a terrible relationship and now they have no hope of ever mending it. Felicity knows that her father wants nothing to do with her, and so far her mother has given her the same impression. But she can't help but think that she'd like things to be better than they are. Knowing her parents though… It's never going to happen.

Felicity tells everyone that her mother is crazy. It's not technically true. She's not crazy-crazy, eat-crayons-and-yell-at-strangers-in-the-street-dressed-as-a-fairy-crazy. Felicity remembers distinctly how awesome her mother was until her father left. And she remembers vividly how eventually Jessica interpreted her husband's departure as Felicity's fault.

It couldn't be her own. Nope.

It had to be because Felicity wasn't enough of a girl, because Felicity always asked questions, because Felicity was too quiet or too babbly, because she was a girl and not a boy… The reasons varied with the seasons, the amount of alcohol ingested, they barely ever made sense but they always ended up being the same.

Felicity's dad left because of Felicity.

So the only way Felicity managed then to rationalize what was going on was to tell herself that her mother was crazy — everyone in town obviously agreed anyways. She'd refused to accept that her father had left, waiting for him for years, telling Felicity that she had to be extra perfect so he would know and come back. Then when Felicity was in high school it'd probably all clicked together and she'd started having a lot of men over, to spite Felicity's dad who might have given a shit if he hadn't been in Arizona raising another family.

Jessica Smoak's life is ruled by Tony Smoak, whether he knows it, cares for it or not. Felicity thinks that her father broke her mother when he left. Or maybe she was broken to begin with and he ran when he figured it out. Felicity's mother is addicted to her husband, and she looks for substitutes any way she can. And when the men leave — because they always do — she drowns herself in alcohol and pops pills and she finds a guy worse than the one before. It's a warped pattern in an endless cycle of bad choices that Felicity has always refused to be a part of.

So Felicity stays seated in her car, and looks at the life she could have lived through the window from across the street. And she knows that she made the right choice all these years ago, leaving for M.I.T, starting a life of her own without blaming mothers and absentee fathers.

After a sigh, Felicity texts Oliver that she's on her way back and asks him to wait for her before he goes out to patrol. She desperately needs to hack into something, and she can't get away from her world of possibilities fast enough.

[**NEXT: **Part Two – Felicity's POV]

* * *

**Author's Note :** I know there was only one scene that had Oliver and Felicity together but next part is way longer, and almost only made out of Oliver/Felicity scenes so I hope you still liked it... This part was mostly to set up where Felicity is and what her (and Oliver's) insecurities are even now that they're dating. Next part will follow that scene, have **smut**, a shouted **L-word** and a surprise visitor.

I hope you liked that first part! Let me know what you thought :-) Thank you for reading.


	2. Part Two

Hey! Thank you so much for everything! Thanks to all the guest reviewers, your messages (even those in French!) made my day! **Please note that the rating has been updated to M**. This part begins right after the end of last chapter. Oh, and bear in mind that this was written WAY before the finale.

**Of Love and Abandonment Issues**

**II.**

By the time Felicity parks in her spot at Verdant, Aaron has texted her a long apology. But Felicity doesn't read it, just deletes the whole thing without thinking and walks back into the foundry.

It's like a gust of oxygen. It's like she's stopped breathing for three days and she's finally coming up for air. At the top of the stairs, she feels dizzy with relief and happiness and that warm sensation of being home. She can hear Oliver train Roy and banter with him.

"No there's no breeze," Oliver's telling him mockingly. "We're not even outside!"

"You keep breathing down my neck! How do you want me to focus?" Roy grunts.

"Are you implying that I'm distracting you?"

"The same way a dragon would, yeah. _Man_ you need to get over yourself."

"What, so I'm a dragon now?"

"Will you quit it already? Do you want me to reach the target or not?"

"You're going to be distracted by far worse things that my dragon-breath on the field, you are aware of this, right?"

Felicity chuckles as she walks down the stairs and looks at Digg who's sitting in her chair to study them with amusement.

"Is it always like that when I'm not here?" Felicity whispers to him when he notices her.

The smile that illuminates Diggle's face takes her breath away. He stands up immediately and hugs her fiercely.

"It's so good to see you," he tells her.

She hugs him back in happiness. As she goes to step away, Diggle brings her back against his chest, hugging her even more tightly.

"Don't ever leave us alone with him again."

"It couldn't have been that bad!" she mumbles, pressed against his shirt.

"You have no idea. You leaving for Central City to visit Barry was a walk in the park, compared to this."

"Come on, John. It wasn't even three full days."

"Exactly."

"Hey, you're home!" Oliver says behind her.

She turns around and blushes when she meets his gaze. He's already wearing his Green Arrow gear, and Roy is in his Arsenal outfit. They're waiting for her. That brings a smile to her face.

"Hey," she answers.

"Oh so he _can_ smile!" Roy taunts.

Oliver frowns and hits the back of Roy's head.

"Shut up and get the coms, we're leaving in five."

Roy rubs the back of his head like it actually hurt — even though everyone fully knows that it didn't — and grins in Felicity's direction as she turns to Diggle.

"You better not have messed my chair up, John Diggle or there will be retaliation in the form of frozen bank accounts."

"Check for yourself!" Diggle tells her, pointing at her computers, and walks to join Roy who's gathering the coms.

She takes a step in the direction of her chair but Oliver's hand catches hers and tugs her against him.

"Hum, what do you think you're doing?" he mumbles before his lips catch her mouth.

Felicity's muscles relax instantly and she finds herself literally melting against Oliver as her hands slide along his torso. It's ridiculous. She's a grown woman. How can a kiss make her feel like a giant jello-cake?

"I'm glad you're home," Oliver says against her lips.

"I'm glad I'm home too."

_Understatement of the fucking century_. But she's not going to tell him that — it's too soon. Oliver tucks her hair behind her ear, his thumb caressing her cheek tenderly. Her heart skips a few beats when he looks at her like that.

"How did the funeral go? Did the cheerlea-bitches mess with you?"

Felicity takes a step out of his embrace and shrugs her coat off, avoiding his eyes.

"Can we talk about it later?"

Oliver frowns.

"If you want. You sure you're okay?"

She offers a tight smile.

"Yes. I'm right where I belong. Don't worry."

Oliver lets the issue go for the time being but she knows that it won't last. When they come back from their patrol, Roy and Diggle don't linger, simply letting her know that they're glad she's back, while Oliver kisses the top of her head.

"Do you want to stay here or should we go to your place?" he asks discreetly.

Diggle sniggers anyway.

"Here is perfect," she smiles.

She's craved the foundry for so long in Milford, she doesn't really care that Oliver basically sleeps on a cot and that it's often chilly. It's surrounded by computers and it smells like Oliver and she can't really imagine being anywhere else right now.

Diggle and Roy disappear quickly while Oliver takes a shower, and Felicity suddenly feels nervous. Like it's a first date or something, which is ridiculous because she's known Oliver for four years and been dating him for two months and they've had sex so many times she's lost count.

When he comes out of the bathroom, all wet hair and barefoot, Felicity's memories of Aaron and Milford fade away in the background of her mind. She bites her lips in anticipation, and sees Oliver's eyes darken in return.

She understands at his slow pace and hungry stare that they're not going to be doing a lot of talking for the next hour. And she's beyond glad. He takes her in his arms and kisses her immediately, propping her against him so she sits on her desk.

"Hey now, don't hurt my babies!" she chastises, her hand caressing her computer screens protectively.

"I missed you," is all Oliver says.

"Diggle implied that you'd been a pain?"

She feels Oliver's chest rumble more than she hears him.

"Don't talk about Digg while we're in the process of having sex, please."

His hands don't still though, skimming up her thighs and spreading them so he can step in between comfortably. She loses her hand in his hair, holding it tightly as her lips seek his demandingly.

He responds enthusiastically to her embrace, meeting her kiss for kiss each time more passionately than the one before. Her legs wrap around his hips and Oliver shakes her heels away in one quick movement that makes her laugh.

"Ha, that's better," he murmurs at the sound, his hands fisting the hem of her dress. His face wears a disgruntled frown that surprises Felicity.

She fingers the wrinkles on his forehead, tilting her head in question.

"I don't like you wearing black," he shrugs as he takes her black dress off of her. "It's not you."

"Oh, really? What am I then?"

His eyes rake her body in a greedy way that makes her cheeks go red, his palms roaming across her skin like he doesn't know where to start. It takes Felicity turning his face upward to meet her gaze for him to remember what they were talking about.

"You? You're a kaleidoscope of colors," he smirks. "Scratch that. You're _my_ kaleidoscope of colors."

She can't even gulp, her stomach twisting in elation, her eyes showing all the emotion that overwhelms her at this instant. It's in moments like these that she can't remember how her life was before she met him, before he even considered dating her. She can't even reconcile the fact that he's the man who spent five years on a hellish island, the man that didn't mind killing because everyone that wasn't family was expandable.

Right here, right there, he's Oliver. She'd say her Oliver but the truth is, she's pretty sure he was exactly that way with McKenna and Laurel. As soon as the names enter her mind, Felicity pushes them away and focuses on the butterflies that are having a party in her entire body.

"No more black then."

"To be honest, I like you better when you're wearing nothing, but I might be biased."

She chuckles, and raises one eyebrow as Oliver finally decides that her bra has to get out of the way. He's still fully clothed, but when she tries to take his shirt off he pushes her arms away gently and shakes his head with a grin. God he's adorable.

"Does that mean that I should come to work naked from now on?"

"Hell no!" he says, his mouth on her collarbone. "But we should do naked Fridays in my office."

"Here's an idea. I'll write a memo for the company first thing in the morning."

She almost doesn't finish her sentence when Oliver's mouth closes on one of her nipples. She feels him smile in contentment against her skin and can't help but mirror his reaction, her legs spreading wider of their own accord, her eyes shutting in desire. She doesn't know how it's possible but Oliver squirms closer to her still, his erection pressing right where she wants him to be, both his warm palms splayed across her cold back.

"No need for a memo," he says, the sound vibrating against her skin, making her shiver and bite back a moan. "It's just for you and me. You can block the executive floor for the entire day and we don't get any work done. Desk-induced sex and all that, you know?"

"We're already having all of that here," she responds and this time she can't help the moan that escapes her.

Felicity bites her lip so hard she quickly tastes blood in her mouth. Oliver's fingers come to free her lip with a frown.

"I really wish you'd stop doing that," he whispers, his pupils completely dilated by now.

"What would you have me do?"

The glint in Oliver's eyes can only be described as full-on dirty.

"Scream my name?"

She can't help it, she laughs out loud, the sound bringing a beaming smile to Oliver's face, and it feels so liberating she completely forgets where she was a few hours ago and what has been thrown in her face.

"You say the most romantic things."

"I try," he smirks.

And then they don't talk because Oliver's mouth has gone back to focus on her breasts, his fingers still in her mouth so she can't bite her lips. Since Oliver won't let her take his shirt off, Felicity plunges her hand in his hair, running it up and down as his tongue teases her nipples mercilessly.

Her other hand slides from his head to his neck, scratches his shoulder, his arm, her fingers clenching at the top of his loose jeans. When she eventually reaches the buttons of his pants, he takes her hand and settles it back on her desk.

It's weird, but desks are kind of their thing. Well, it's always been her thing, to be honest. There weren't a lot of places to have sex with Aaron when she was in high school and her goody-two-shoes reputation came in handy then when the janitors gave her the keys for whatever room she requested without a second thought.

It's taken them a full week to make it to a bed. Their first time was in Oliver's QC office, the second time in Oliver's car, third against that pillar in the foundry (which Diggle still complains about but who cares), and there were the uncomfortable cots, her Arrow desk, the med table, then that one time in her elevator before they finally made it to her bed (but there was a stop on her couch first).

They haven't done it on the mats — Felicity can't really bring herself to do it there. She still remembers erasing that video of Sara and Oliver a little while before Tockman came to mess with them the first time and the pinching feeling it brought and that is only just starting to fade away.

Oliver's fingers leave her mouth and trail down her neck, her side, settling on her waist, his other one following the same route on the other side. His lips leave her nipples, kissing up her torso, brushing her collarbone, when he eventually buries his head in the hollow of her neck.

It's crazy, but every movement, every touch, every breath lights her skin on fire, elicits shivers, makes her breath hitch. She can't keep her hand on the desk, she has to cup his head, she has to feel him under her touch. His fists close on her underwear, and when Felicity feels him smile devilishly in her neck she knows instantly what he's about to do. But before she can react, he has already ripped her underwear apart.

"Oliver!" she protests.

He smirks proudly.

"Yes, just like that, but with less ire and more need."

He leans in to kiss her and she obliges because what else can she do, but she eventually moves her head away and looks at her shredded underwear, annoyed.

"You really need to stop doing that. I'm running out of those."

Oliver doesn't look even remotely apologetic.

"I'll buy you new ones."

"The ones you buy are always green. That's not very kaleidoscopic. And it shows through my white pants."

He just hums, and Felicity is convinced that he hasn't even tried to listen to what she was saying, lost that he is in her body. Soon enough, she can't think either, because he has buried his fingers in her and he's looking at her, gauging her reactions. She feels so self-conscious when he looks. She can't help but wonder if he compares her to the Laurels, the Saras, the McKennas and the Shados of his past.

"Felicity, stop thinking," he tells her.

How does he know? She opens her eyes. His are an open book but it's scary to look too close because she's still not willing to believe what it says.

"Just let go," he smiles, going back to kiss her senseless.

She loses all ability to think then. It's like he fries her brain in the most delicious way, and she's helpless to it. There's literally nothing she can do but kiss back, give into the overwhelming building sensation and just _feel_.

She wants to bite her lips to prevent the words from coming out of her mouth, but it's no use because she missed him, and he's adorable, and he obviously missed her and god she loves him and she doesn't know how to protect herself where he's concerned.

"I need you," she lets out.

Felicity never talks when she has sex. She might be the most talkative weirdo in real life, but with something as intimate as love making she feels like every action has its importance. Oliver is more oral — in every way — but he's understood Felicity's guarded behavior and so far respected it. So she sees that the words hit him full force.

It's like he's waited for this all along. Like he just wanted to get the words out of her.

Oliver steps back, takes his shirt off so fast she doesn't even see it, and before she can blink he's standing in front of her, stark naked, and positioning himself at her dripping entrance. She smiles shyly as his fingers come behind her head and tug at the elastic that holds her ponytail, letting her hair lose and shuffling it contentedly.

Sometimes, she can't handle the way he looks at her — like she's precious, and someone _he could really care about_. When he enters her, his fingers grasping at her butt and waist as hers clench on his shoulders is one of those times. A moment that has her struggling to hold his gaze.

"Hold onto me tight," he whispers with a smirk.

She raises her eyebrows, but her laugh is strangled by the feeling of him filling her completely. She tries to even her ragged breath by biting her lip but Oliver's fingers come back to free it with a warning look.

There's no way she's screaming his name. No way. She's never going to live it down if she does. He'll be wearing that smug smile for the rest of the week, it's going to become a game and Felicity doesn't want to play games. Not with him. There's too much at stake.

And weirdly enough, he seems to get it.

So Felicity releases her lip but plasters herself against his body, covering as much of his skin with hers, burying her head in his neck, biting his shoulder, relishing in his delicious smell. His fingers slide from her waist to her spine in a never-ending caress as he starts moving in her slowly. And her mind goes blank.

She stops thinking altogether. She couldn't even if she wanted to.

God that feels good.

Felicity's hips follow his slow rhythm of their own accord, rotating, seeking a friction that lights her skin on fire. And then Oliver's lips find her neck and shower it with mouthy kisses that make her shiver, and his fingers gather at the apex of her thighs and she doesn't know how it happens but within minutes she finds herself coming, her entire body clenching around him, her moans barely muffled by his skin.

Oliver doesn't wait for her to come down her own orgasm before seeking his. Barely seconds after her orgasm hits her she feels him tremble in her arms, his breathing stopping for a few moments before starting again, his fingers clamping her hips so hard it would hurt if she didn't like it so much.

They stay there, entangled in each other, Felicity sitting on her desk and Oliver standing in front of her, for the longest time before Oliver kisses her neck, her cheek, and her hair as he slowly pulls out.

Is it weird that she feels like she needs to thank him? Like, '_thank you for the crazy orgasm that you brought out of me faster than my own hands_'? You don't thank your boyfriend for giving you an orgasm, that's lame, right?

_Boyfriend_.

Oliver Queen is her boyfriend.

She just smiles and slides down on wobbly legs, looking for her dress. But Oliver rips it away before she can even reach it.

"No more black, we said!"

Felicity rolls her eyes, but doesn't reply as she settles for his v-neck t-shirt and heads for the bathroom to clean herself up. When she comes back in her work out outfit, Oliver is waiting for her on her chair.

"I don't want to sleep on the cots…" he admits.

"Then buy a futon," she teases.

"Or! We can head to your place?"

Felicity smiles.

"Or that. But can we stay here for a little while? I don't feel like heading there just yet."

For someone so terrible at communication, Oliver has an uncanny ability to read between the lines when he really puts his mind to it.

"What happened?"

Felicity sighs and leans on her desk, her arms crossed over her chest.

"You don't want to hear it," she says.

"Try me."

Oliver reaches for her and pulls her down to sit on his lap, clearly worried. Felicity opens her mouth, looking for a way to explain the extent of her trouble when as usual, Oliver pulls the rug from under her feet.

"Did he try to kiss you?"

Felicity's eyes bug out of her face.

"What? No! Of course not! Even if he did, I wouldn't have let him!"

"I know, I trust you. Him, much less so."

She can't help but roll her eyes.

"Why didn't you mention that you were worried when we talked on the phone?"

Oliver half-shrugs coyly.

"You were at the guy's dad's funeral. I didn't want to sound like a jealous dick."

"And you don't care anymore?"

"I guess not," he grins shamelessly.

Felicity frowns, surprised and tries to get up.

"I can't believe you're jealous."

"Why?" Oliver asks, catching her arm and bringing her back to him.

She eyes him, looking for mockery but finding none. He really doesn't understand why she's surprised? She always picked him and Team Arrow when given a choice. He knows why Aaron and her broke up, he was there to witness the fights and the ultimate showdown.

"Because… I don't know. Can you imagine if I was jealous every time you hung out with one of your exes? I'd spend my days asking if you've cheated on me."

Oliver looks hurt for a second and Felicity wants to take the words back, but he doesn't let go of her. Oliver just closes his eyes, wiping his other hand over his face, looking for a way to answer.

"Touché," he utters, eventually. "I would never cheat on you though, I hope you know that."

"I know," she says, but she's not fully convinced he wouldn't leave her for another woman however. Like, a leggy model type, someone mysterious, dangerous and sexy as hell, with big eyes and curves that'd get angels to forsake themselves. Probably another chick he slept with on his Island of Sex and Horror.

Oliver must notice the way her face has become somber because he tucks her hair behind her ear and plays with a curl distractedly.

"What happened, Felicity?"

"He blames me," she murmurs, her eyes avoiding his. "For his father's death. He says he doesn't but I know he does and… I _know_ it's not my fault, like, it's not possible, right? You can't kill someone because you broke up with their son but in a way, if I'd let him go sooner he wouldn't have screwed up at work and his father wouldn't have yelled at him and he'd still be alive. For a day or two maybe but Aaron wouldn't feel so guilty."

She doesn't recognize her own voice, but she's fully aware that Oliver has tensed under her and when she glances in his direction, she sees that his jaw is clenched in anger.

"He didn't mean it," she says. Why is she defending Aaron? Why?

"I don't care."

His tone is icy cold, and she knows it's not directed at her but she still feels like she's the one being judged.

"He just wanted me back…"

"You said he didn't try to kiss you!"

"You can hit on a girl without making out with her! You can tell them."

Oliver's face closes down as he grumbles.

"Well I'm glad he went at this terribly this time."

Felicity shakes her head, smirking. He's so cute when he pouts.

"He won't be trying again. First of all because I don't want to see him again, and second of all because he knows that we're a thing."

"Really?"

He looks way smugger than she ever thought he would, all smirking face and tightening embrace. Felicity rolls her eyes once more, but humors him.

"Well you called and he took a wild guess. I refused to confirm because screw him, but he figured us out, yes. Diggle's right, we're terrible at this secret relationship thing."

"We don't have to be a secret, you know. One word…"

"I know," she replies quickly. "I know. Don't worry."

Before he can ask her why she doesn't want them to go forward and become an official thing, Felicity kisses him and stands up.

"Come on, let's go. I'm tired. Milford is an exhausting place that sucks the life out of you."

"You should work for their tourist office," Oliver jokes.

Felicity snorts. "As if there was one."

She gets her coat when Oliver catches her hand and turns her towards him.

"Hey, what Aaron said? You are right. None of what happened to him after you guys broke up is your fault. What happened is sad, but it's life. A person doesn't have that much power on another person to screw them that hard."

Felicity smiles tightly but doesn't answer. She doesn't agree. Her mom is the perfect example of how much power a person can have on another when love is involved. Her father ruined their family and destroyed her mother beyond repair. That's how much power he had, and still has, over Jessica Smoak. What hurts is that Aaron knows it and used that knowledge to twist things around and hurt Felicity.

She can't tell Oliver any of that though. Because then, to make him understand, she'd have to tell him that she feels exactly like her mother where he's concerned. Like Oliver has all the power over her, the power to take away everything he gave her without thinking. His love. His quest. The family that he introduced her to.

Oliver can't understand how happy and deeply terrified she is since they have started dating. Because he can't fathom how much she has to lose now if he changes his mind.

* * *

Oliver begins to understand three weeks later. They're at the foundry with Diggle while Roy is on a date with Thea. The news have been raging with the story of a serial rapist who drugs his victims on the campus of Starling City University before having his way with them. Two girls have come forward in the past six weeks, and Lance calls them for help, telling them that his boss has managed to keep two more girls away from the media.

The university has done everything they could, even going as far as to forbid all parties until the culprit is found — to no avail. Apparently, girls on the SCU campus feel like it can only happen to others and the fraternities find ways to organize secret parties without getting caught.

The night Lance calls them to ask for help takes a weird turn. Oliver is immediately wary of the topic, speaking mainly with Diggle, asking for as many clues to Lance as he can about the rapist's profile and studying all the data seriously before they even begin to formulate a plan.

It's surprising. Oliver is more the running into the frat-houses, shooting arrows and then asking questions type of guy. Felicity isn't used to him taking a step back and considering crazy sounding options that take forever instead of focusing on the most obvious and efficient one — however risky it might sound.

It's not like they've never done it before with the Dollmaker.

Somehow, Diggle and Oliver are down to a ridiculous plan where Roy will pose as a student and plant multiple bugs and cameras in all the frat houses and around campus so Team Arrow (or, you know, mainly Felicity) can eavesdrop for hours in order to pin down the culprit. Felicity listens to their insane strategy for an hour, not knowing why she's humoring them before she finally speaks up.

"You do realize they have shut down the frats, and it's still happening anyways? You've been a frat boy Oliver, you know there are underground parties everywhere!"

Oliver looks at her but stays quiet at first. She should have been surprised when he didn't ask what plan she is offering.

"Well, we're not exactly cops so it's not like we can barge in and ask questions," he growls.

Felicity rolls her eyes.

"Are you purposefully ignoring the easiest solution?"

"Yes," Diggle mutters.

She frowns, surprised.

"What?"

"Forget it, Felicity," Oliver grunts out.

"You haven't even heard my plan!"

"Let me guess, you go as a sorority girl or just some random college student and you offer yourself on a silver plate for a rapist?"

Felicity flinches, taken aback. Is she that transparent?

"So you really _are_ ignoring it then," she grumbles.

"Yes we are."

Oliver's tone shows that it's not up for debate. But when Diggle notices her frown and the light of righteous anger that awakens in her eyes, he sighs and steps in between them.

"It's not ideal, but our plan with Roy can work."

"How long until another girl gets raped, though?" she thunders in barely repressed ire. "We don't even know where the next party will take place! I can find that out in a day, and we can act immediately if I'm inside!"

"No," is all Oliver says.

Felicity blinks.

"No? That's it? It's not even up for discussion?"

"We've discussed it, and it's _no_, Felicity! We're not setting you up to be raped by a creep at a frat house!"

"It's not your choice to make!"

Oliver turns his head so fast to pin her down with a placating stare she's frozen in her spot for a second.

"Don't. You. Dare." he warns in a low tone that she's pretty sure is his Arrow voice.

She knows full well that he's talking about her motto of her life her choice.

"Look, I trust you, I know you guys won't let anything happen to me! I'll keep the coms on the whole time, you'll all be watching my back! And it's not like it'd be the first time! I mean, the Dollmaker actually _killed_ people…"

She knows it was the wrong thing to say when Oliver clenches his jaw and takes a step in her direction.

"And remember how scared you admitted to being? How you asked that we don't let you do that again? How you ended up with a mild concussion?"

His anger and anxiety are rolling off of him in intoxicating waves but Felicity stands her ground, emboldened by her own wrath at not even being heard.

"Guys, calm down…" Diggle tries to say.

"Stay out of this, John!" Felicity yells. "So? I was scared in the casino too! And I don't care about being scared if we prevent girls from getting raped!"

"_I_ care!"

"It's not about you and your control freak issues, Oliver! This is what Green Arrow is about! I could very well do this without you and then I'd really be in danger!"

"I swear if you do that Felicity…" Oliver begins, his voice actually shaking with rage.

He wants to hit something, and he's reaching his breaking point, she knows it.

"Hey now, don't go saying crazy stuff like this…" Diggle intervenes.

"What?" she exclaims, not even trying to contain her anger now. "It's what every single one of these girls is doing! They're going to a party thinking they're going to have fun and they wake up without any memories and an ache between their legs! It could be anyone, it could be _Thea_ for all we know, and we have the power to do something about it but you won't because… what? You're _scared_?"

"Felicity, stop!" Diggle says, physically stepping between them now.

"No, John I want to know why we're playing it so safe this time!" she yells. "Why can't I go now, with Roy who looks as young as me in tow, and fake drinking so we can stop this guy before more people are hurt?"

Oliver's eyes are blaring with fury.

"You're not going because I'm in love with you and we're not taking the risk to break you because you feel helpless!"

"You loved Sara and you let her do much more dangerous stuff than this without ever fighting her! And I sure _as hell _don't feel helpless!"

She spins on her heels, her head dizzy and swirling, and soon finds herself outside Verdant in the dark alleyway. Her mind sort of registers that something is crashing downstairs but she can't muster up the energy to pay it attention.

When the cold wind blows in her face, Felicity doesn't feel it instantly. Her stomach is lurching, and the brick walls are whirling around her, as she struggles to breathe normally. She's having a panic attack, she realizes. She's having a panic attack, because Oliver just told her he's in love with her, and she screamed at him and threw his ex in his face.

What the hell is wrong with her?

What the _hell_ is _wrong_ with her?

"Felicity?"

She's trying to catch her breath and slow the world down, but she can't, she can't even open her eyes. She barely hears Diggle's voice over the white noise buzzing in her ears.

"Felicity!"

Felicity crashes against his chest, her arms coming to circle and grip his waist as she buries her head in his shirt. It takes a second before she breaks down, her shoulders shaking in straining sobs. Diggle reacts instantly, wrapping his own arms around her frame to rock her gently, his cheek resting against the top of her head.

She doesn't know how long she cries in his arms, but he lets her, supporting her like the big brother she considers him to be.

"What's wrong with me?" she voices at last, her throat clogged with tears.

"Nothing's wrong with you," Diggle chuckles. "But something is definitely wrong. What's going on?"

She sniffs pathetically, and steps out of his embrace in shame but she can't escape his calm yet leveling stare.

"Spill, Smoak."

"I don't know."

"_Yes_, you do."

"I yelled at him," she whispers, reliving the scene in horror.

Diggle rolls his eyes. "Not the first time. Not the last time. He's probably already over it. Now the med table might need to be replaced, however."

"Why doesn't he let me do this, though? I don't get it!" she wonders out loud, pacing and wiping traitorous tears at the same time.

"He told you why."

That stops her in her tracks, her head falling in her hands.

"What's wrong, Felicity?" Diggle insists.

"I… this is too much."

"What is?"

"I can't… He doesn't…"

"Yes, he does. And you know it. He would never say that he loved you if he didn't. Truth is, he's probably been looking for the right time to tell you for a while. He sucks at good timing but then again…"

Felicity steps back to lean against the wall, shivering in the cold wind, but doesn't say anything. She feels feverish. And sick.

"What are you so scared about?"

"Me," she finally admits. "I'm scared about me, I can't… My entire life is built around him, John! He loves me now, but he loved Laurel too, and he stopped one day and… I don't have anything besides this. Team Arrow, you guys. If we break up, if he suddenly decides that it's over what am I supposed to do? I'll lose everything."

She doesn't know what she expects, but certainly not Diggle's annoyed response.

"Well, thanks for the vote of confidence."

Her misty eyes fly to meet his in shock.

"First, Oliver is not going to break up with you because he's not that pre-island douche anymore, because you're not Laurel, and because he's so in love with you it's disgusting. Second, if he broke up with you, I'd kick his sorry ass. And I would never stop being your friend because you stopped showing up at the foundry. I'm honestly hurt that you'd think that. I'm sure Roy would resent it too."

Felicity looks away in shame, but Diggle takes a step toward her and cups her cheeks, his thumbs wiping a few tears in the process.

"I know you don't have the best history with people in your life, but we're all here to stay, okay? You're so loyal to everyone, why can't you believe that people wouldn't return the favor?"

She sniffs, but refuses to answer because it's going to sound cliché and lame. She can't tell them that they're the closest she has to a family because her parents fucked her up beyond repair. She refused long ago to let this define her. She thought being with Oliver would be easy once he told her that he was sure he wanted to be with her.

She can't believe she sort of wants to go back to the way things were. Being with Oliver is such a thing she thought would never happen, such a dream come true, she knows deep inside of her that at this point there's no other way to go but down.

"Felicity, you're your own worst enemy here," Diggle starts again, his voice soft and understanding. "We all love you. And none of us can imagine not having you here. You've seen it firsthand last year when you were with Aaron. Oliver was terrified of you leaving Team Arrow, leaving _him_. He can't do any of this without you either."

But that doesn't mean he can't do life without her. He can decide he wants to stop his Green Arrow quest and settle down with someone else and she'll still have nothing.

"So Oliver saying no to use you as _bait for a rapist_? You and I both know it's not control issues. For the record, I veto against that option too. We're not putting you in harm's way. Four girls, Felicity, he got to four girls. There is no way _in hell_ we are taking the risk of making you the fifth. You won't be the sacrificial lamb. And if that makes me a terrible person then so be it."

Her lip wobbles, but she doesn't say anything, just goes back to hug Diggle. She wishes everything he'd just told her would sink in already. She wishes she could control her fears, voice them out loud, put them at rest. She's been trying so hard, how can it not work?

It's not like Oliver's treated her like shit either since she broke up with Aaron. If anything, he's been more demonstrative than ever.

"I'm sorry," she eventually articulates.

"Ha, don't worry, you're forgiven. Come on, you're freezing."

He rubs her arms vigorously, then gives her the jacket of his suit and smirks a little.

"Also, Starling City's vigilante is probably tearing down his lair right now — or, you know, he's physically punishing himself — all because he fought with his girlfriend."

Felicity wipes the tears away from her cheeks with her palms and smiles a little.

"Wasn't that what you feared all along?" she asks in a small voice. "That we'd fight and mess Team Arrow up?"

Diggle shakes his head in clear dismissal.

"Hell no. You think that'd have gone any differently if you guys weren't dating? It would have been worse, trust me. You'd be angry, he'd be sulking, you'd be fighting even more and he'd eventually feed you some bullshit about why he can't have you in harm's way other than the fact that he loves you, and it would have only convinced you. And probably him too. It's much easier now that he's finally told you he loves you, believe me."

Felicity blinks in astonishment.

"You make it sound so simple."

"It's 'cause it is." Diggle shrugs. "And it's because I've watched him squirm around you for three years before he decided to stop being an ass and get his shit together."

He opens the door that leads to the basement but doesn't step to follow her. When she turns around, frowning in inquery, Diggle barks out a laugh.

"Yeah, there's no way I'm getting in the middle of your make up _conversation_." He insists on the word conversation like it's supposed to mean something else, and Felicity chuckles despite herself. "So I'll let you _converse_ and _discuss_ like grownups, and I'll be back at ten tomorrow. Notice how I gave an exact time? It's so everyone down there is fully dressed if they happen to spend the night here for some reason."

"Okay, got it. No wandering around naked."

"Not _ever_."

"Thanks, John. For everything."

Diggle smiles at her and pats her shoulder gently. "Any time."

* * *

Punishing workout it is, apparently. Felicity walks down the stairs anxiously, her arms wrapped around Diggle's jacket, seeking warmth, as she listens to the rhythmic clanging noise of the salmon ladder.

Diggle's right, they're going to have to buy a new med table because this one has a twisted leg that won't be fixable. She grimaces, looking at the debris of the syringes and other glass objects that fell with the shock and are now laying on the floor, and begins to clean up the mess while Oliver works out his anger and frustration, his back to the equipment and to her.

She's barely started when she hears him drop to the floor, the bar falling in a muffled thud on the mats. Felicity's heart accelerates, making her flush as she braces herself for what could be another fight.

Felicity turns to face him and she sees in the way he's clenching the bottle of water he's drinking and in the way he's not exactly facing her that he doesn't want to fight. She hurt him. She doesn't know what hurt most — using his fear of losing her to provoke him, not saying that she loves him too, throwing his relationship with Sara to his face. But the result is the same.

"I'm sorry," she says, staring at the floor.

Oliver doesn't reply, but she knows he heard her because he freezes for a split second.

Okay, fights with Oliver are always… tense, but this is the most awkward one they ever had.

"I'm not going to sneak into that party without telling you guys. I was just angry."

"What were you so angry about?" Oliver asks irritatingly.

"You and Diggle refused to even consider the solution for a minute. It was worth discussing. Like I said, we'd done it before."

"That was before, and that was a mistake. The Dollmaker was a huge mistake that I won't be making again, trust me."

Felicity leans against the glass that encases Oliver's Green Arrow suit while he wipes a shaking hand over his face.

"You promised you wouldn't go back to the field last year. After that Clock King debacle?"

"I said I wouldn't unless it's absolutely necessary," she cuts. "Stopping a rapist sounds like something necessary."

Oliver raises his eyebrows, unimpressed.

"If you think you'll manage to convince me to let you do this, you're wrong. Don't even try."

That sparkles a new wave of anger that Felicity has the most difficult time taming.

"Don't act like I don't know what it's like to fear for someone else's life, Oliver," she mumbles. "I know what it's like, I live it every night when you, Dig and Roy go out on the field. You don't hear me yelling at you every time. I discuss every possibility, whatever danger that might put you in."

"But that was the implicit deal from the get go! I was doing it this way before I dragged you into this mess. You were never supposed to set a single foot out of the foundry, and take the risk of becoming a target. Whenever we've used you outside it was as bait and…"

"No it wasn't. Last year, I wasn't bait at that gala where I planted the malware; everything went down the way we wanted."

"The way _you_ wanted maybe. I've regretted including you in that plan a lot since then," he admits begrudgingly.

"Regretted why, because it proves that I don't have to be locked in the foundry or because Aaron ended up being there?"

Oliver shoots her a meaningful look that makes her roll her eyes.

"Will you stop being jealous of him already?" she sighs.

"I don't know, will you stop with the Sara nonsense?"

It's her turn to stare at him in surprise. Oliver finally takes a few steps in her direction.

"What's with you and Sara?" he presses.

"I don't know," Felicity lets out reluctantly.

She was a badass motherfucker? She was the hot girl he really cared about that he didn't mind being with despite the fact that he hadn't changed a thing in the way he lived? The woman who knew every part of him and understood him in ways that Felicity could never compare with? She was a mysterious assassin who could fight three guys at once and also understand Windows 8?

The list is long.

She doesn't convince Oliver, she knows it, but once more he lets her get away with it.

"Me not fighting Sara on a lot of things was… that was a mistake too. Me not fighting her led her to her death, Felicity. You can't possibly believe that I'd be willing to repeat that with you?"

Felicity avoids his gaze, settling to stare at the floor. She's not being fair. Oliver told her that he wasn't in love with Sara, that he loved her but that they would have never worked out. Sara could probably kick his ass easily. How was he supposed to control her? And her death had changed things in Team Arrow. If anything, it had changed Oliver. Felicity can't exactly blame him for being so protective when she knew full well how much of a stalker he could be even before they started dating.

"It's not your fault that she died."

"Leave it to you to defend me even when you're angry with me," he jokes.

Felicity chuckles silently, and tries to hide the smile that she can't hold back with a shrug.

"I'm not angry with you. Not anymore, at least," she sighs. "I'm tired. I'm headed home, do you want to come or do you still have stuff to work out?"

She nods in the salmon ladder's direction dejectedly, but Oliver ignores it. His reassured smile is so adorable she melts a little — and gets confused too. What is he so relieved about? What did he fear? More anger? More blaming jabs?

"I thought we'd fight more," he admits. "About you going on the field."

"It's called being in a grown up relationship," Felicity mocks. "I can compromise."

"So you're on with our initial plan?" he asks, finally reaching out to catch her waist. She holds onto his shoulders.

"As long as I can help Roy and Diggle out. It'll go faster and I actually know how the bugs and cameras work."

He tries to stare her down, make her change her mind but she doesn't budge.

"Fine," he sighs.

She smiles devilishly, kissing his stubble, skimming her hand along his jaw.

"You'll be the one stuck in the foundry for once…" Felicity taunts.

"I can still change my mind, you know."

"Okay, okay. I hear you boss."

She kisses him quickly on the mouth and tugs at his hand to leave the foundry, grabbing her stuff in the process. They still haven't discussed the giant elephant in the room. If Oliver is willing to let it go, Felicity is not about to fight him on this.

She can't tell him that she loves him yet. It's too soon. It's like them coming out as a couple for the world to see. On the one hand, she wants everyone to know that she's dating Oliver Queen because she finally has some win in her life and she is happy and the world needs to be fully aware of this.

On the other hand though, that means the world will also be fully aware of their breakup if Oliver changes his mind and decides that she's too much of a risk. She's not an idiot. Oliver Queen is a double target, as a multibillionaire CEO who made a lot of mistakes as a kid and as an efficient vigilante. There will be a moment where she'll end up in danger, when another Slade will show up and use her to hurt Oliver. It's only a matter of time before it happens.

She can't take another version of his "because of the life that I lead" speech. And if she has to listen to it, if it has to happen in the next weeks, then she fully intends to come out of this with as much of her dignity as possible.

"Hey," Oliver wonders out loud, "does that grown up relationship thing includes make-up sex even if we stopped yelling?"

If Oliver breaks up with her sooner than later, Felicity doesn't plan on quitting Team Arrow. She's masochistic like that. She'll stay, and she'll pretend she isn't that affected — it wouldn't be a first.

"Yes," she smiles. "This one does."

In the meantime, she's going to make the best of this relationship before Oliver burns everything to ashes out of misplaced noble intents.

* * *

They stop the rapist — a man who worked as a security guard on campus — but not before he manages to make another victim. That takes a toll on Team Arrow and raises the stakes soon. Felicity keeps her promise and neither goes alone despite her desire to help out nor does she press the issue with Oliver. She stays quietly in the foundry, like a good girl and sends all the data that she has to Detective Lance so he can build a case that is admissible in court. It pains her not to take clearer actions but it would be profoundly stupid to put herself in harm's way without her friends as backup.

Also, she can't bring herself to break Oliver and Diggle's trust in her. She's noticed that Oliver wasn't as trusting as he wanted her to believe because for the next few days he's a little more controlling than she is used to.

"If I really was going to infiltrate a university campus to hang out at creepy parties without telling anyone, don't you think I'd be smart enough not to invite you over every night, you moron?" she eventually snaps when he forces her to attend another boring meeting in the conference room to keep an eye on her.

After that, he backs off with the overprotectiveness.

But to Felicity's complete surprise, the other shoe she's been waiting to see drop and crash around her doesn't. She's getting a little restless, expecting one of Green Arrow's enemies to jump them any moment now but it's just your usual thug, thief and occasional Triad member who attack them and neither of them are smart enough to suspect that the vigilante might have a few sidekicks apart from Roy as Arsenal to help him out.

She feels her walls crumbling around him. Within a month, she realizes that she doesn't even think or question it when Oliver follows her home and stays over, when more and more of his stuff ends up in her bathroom, her drawers, or littering her coffee table.

Some might say she's repeating the same mistakes that she made with Aaron. Moving too fast — if she's so scared of losing Oliver, why is she letting him in so deep in the aspects of her life that she'd need to keep away from him?

She can't explain it. She's a sucker. She doesn't learn. She's a masochist.

She's hopeless, basically.

They've been dating for four months and are driving home from another boring gala that Felicity had to attend as his E.A when Oliver mentions that he doesn't want them to be a secret couple anymore.

"You're just saying that because Bruce Wayne riled you up," she answers, her eyes glinting with amusement.

Oliver doesn't even try to pretend it isn't.

"He was hitting on you all night. I finally had a great excuse to punch that asshole in the face."

"Yes, _that's_ the argument that will convince me."

"He was hitting on you!"

"It was just _talking_, and he wasn't being serious, Oliver! He knows full well that something is going on between us he admitted it himself. It was just to mess with you."

"It's not fair that he gets to dance with you more than I do," Oliver grumbles as he parks the car in her street.

"Are you pouting?"

Oliver blatantly ignores her attempts to deflect the slippery situation.

"It doesn't have to be mediatized. You can just come as my plus one and not my assistant. And if journalists start being pains, we issue a statement or something and it'll die down."

Felicity gets out of the Bentley, careful of not messing with her deep blue cocktail dress, as she shakes her head in amusement.

"You've really thought this through, huh?"

Oliver gets out and joins her on the pavement, holding her hand as they walk the stairs to her building.

"I mean, technically we're not doing a lot to hide that we're dating. If the paparazzi were looking, they'd know that I already spend a lot of nights at your place."

He presses the button to call the elevator, turning Felicity to press her against the wall while they wait for it to open its doors.

"It's not necessarily about the paparazzi," she counters as he dips his head to kiss her neck.

"Well if it's not about the paparazzi I don't know what it's about."

"Your _secrets_? If I'm in the spotlight, people might actually know who I am and it comes in handy sometimes that no one knows who Felicity Smoak is."

"What, you mean no more field work? And this is bad how?"

Felicity tilts her head and levels him with an annoyed glare. The elevator pings as its doors open. Felicity steps in and presses on the button for the fourth floor, Oliver in tow.

"I just want to be able to kiss you when I want, sue me…" he grumbles.

"You want to be able to mark your territory in front of people like Bruce Wayne," she snorts, but he's found a new way to release butterflies in her stomach. How does he even do that?

"Well, don't you want to do the same with me?" he asks, his hand going back to hold hers. They feel cold and clammy. Oliver brings out the weirdest reactions out of her.

"No," she chuckles. "Because you're not an object, Oliver."

"Mmh, I don't know I did feel pretty objectified when you ogled me while I worked out."

"Why the past tense? Let's be honest, I still do."

They reach her floor and step out of the elevator.

"Exactly. Don't you want the world to know that all this muscle is yours?"

She bursts out into laughter at the ridiculousness of the situation.

"Really? You're willing to objectify yourself to convince me to tell everyone we know that we're in a relationship?"

Oliver grins shamelessly and shrugs.

"I love it when you laugh."

Again with the L word. He hasn't said it again — hasn't repeated that he's in love with her — since their fight at the foundry because he understood that she'd been freaked out but she knows he's working his way to this conversation. Telling people they're together, that's his first step.

Sneaky bastard. Thank god she's good at deflecting.

"Thank you."

She tilts her head, and leans against the wall of her apartment, close to her door, considering his offer. Oliver's eyes soften, his palm coming to cup her jaw, his thumb caressing her cheek tenderly.

"There's something else, isn't there?" he asks.

"What?" she whispers.

"There's a reason why you want to keep us a secret."

She doesn't have time to hide the surprise that fills her and something clicks in him, she can tell. He's sure there's something else. He's figured her out. She has to come clean. If she doesn't want to hurt him, now is the perfect time to tell him how worried she is. Screw dignity. Maybe that's the moment he decides they should stop because she could be right.

"What is it?" he murmurs, and she hears the worry in his voice. "What are you so scared about?"

Felicity takes his hand down, closes her eyes and sighs.

"I… Okay, let's talk inside."

Her heart is beating so hard in her chest it feels like it's trying to rip it apart. This is it, the defining moment. Felicity gets her keys out of her purse with trembling hands and tries to open her door, but to her utter surprise the door handle turns automatically, like it wasn't locked.

Felicity frowns, her eyes flying to meet Oliver's troubled gaze. He reacts instantly, ushering her gently behind him, pushing the door slowly with his foot.

The lights in her living room are turned on. How did they not notice it before?

"Hello?" Oliver asks with his Arrow voice. "Stay here."

But Felicity doesn't listen. She can't explain why, but she knows she doesn't physically risk anything when she steps inside her apartment. Actually, she knows exactly what is awaiting her when she smells the familiar scent that has spread in her apartment. She knows who has broken into her home, and she knows absolutely nothing good will come out of it.

And sure enough, she finds Oliver standing dumbstruck in her hallway, staring at the woman seated on her red couch awkwardly. Her eyes follow his line of sight, and there it is. She'd never thought her other shoe dropping would take that form. But honestly, she should have seen it coming all along.

"Hey baby," the woman says as she stands on skinny legs. Her voice is raspier than it used to be.

Felicity's heart is beating so loud she doesn't even hear herself talk.

"Mom."

**[NEXT: **Part Three – Oliver's POV**]**

* * *

And there it is, the mom thing that was mentioned at the end of Of Need and Abandonment Issues! Hopefully Felicity's insecurities were clear enough... Next part will deal with the reason why Jessica Smoak visits, and Oliver realizing the extent of Felicity's insecurities.

I hope you liked it! Let me know your opinion and your thoughts!

Thank you for reading!


	3. Part Three

Hey guys! Sorry for the delay but I left for a loooong week end and I thought there'd be the internet and a computer but... No. So I'm stuck with trying to update that story from my ipad which is a fucking bitch to do. But you're totally worth it :-D So again? Sorry for the delay.

**Of Love and Abandonment Issues**

**Part III.**

Oliver feels Felicity's walls erect instantly. One second she's on the verge of finally opening up, the next she's going back to hiding behind an impenetrable shield. The thing is, Oliver can't exactly blame her for it. She's probably living one of her worst nightmares.

Before they started dating, while Oliver was still trying to get Felicity to see that he really wanted to be with her and that she wasn't just a convenient fling, he'd managed to get her to talk briefly about the woman who has just broken into her apartment.

Jessica Smoak is a shell of a woman who still can't accept, twenty years later, that her husband didn't want her.

Oliver never really gave a lot of thought to Felicity's mother. Actually, no, he gave a lot of thought to what kind of relationship Felicity had with her, since she was so reluctant to bring that topic up and go into details. But he's never thought about what she looked like.

Now that she's standing in front of him, staring at Felicity with the most awkward smile he's ever been privy to, he's stunned to understand what Felicity's decision to color her hair reveals about herself.

Jessica Smoak looks like a thinner, frailer, older and dark-haired version of Felicity. If Felicity was fifty, skanky, and ruined by life, she wouldn't look any different. The sight is shocking and disturbing.

Felicity first looks like a deer caught in headlights. He catches her glance towards the door, obviously looking for an escape, which is completely uncharacteristic. Felicity doesn't mind fighting. She doesn't scare easily either. Oliver also notices how her eyes slide in his direction, taking his presence into account, and the small bracing gesture that she can't hide.

Then she gulps. He can tell that she's calculating every possibility, every outcome, every way this scene could go down. He's only ever seen her like this when she's faced with a particularly messy situation for a Green Arrow mission. This is not good. And Oliver himself doesn't know if he should be here when Felicity is taken that much by surprise on her own territory.

Oliver finally realizes what disturbs him so much. What keeps him rooted in his spot, unable to move away from her.

She looks cornered, helpless.

She's obviously never intended for him to meet her mother, and the other way around. The thought would hurt him if he didn't suspect that Felicity hadn't exactly planned on seeing her mother ever again either. Dressed up in her tight blue dress that brings out the color of her eyes, her hair pinned up in beautiful curls, Felicity looks like a fairy tale princess right before she gets abducted by the evil witch.

Something tells him she does not want him to play Prince Charming. If anything, she probably wishes he'd disappear.

Felicity stays quiet for the longest time, staring at her mother, her eyes getting colder and more distant by the second. Jessica Smoak must notice it too, because she tries to take a step in her daughter's direction. Without surprise, Felicity backs down. Oliver finds himself moving to stand between them.

"You _do_ know this is how you ended up with three restraining orders, right?"

Oliver fully expected her loud voice. He's used to it — that's the one that he's treated with when he's pushed her to her limits. And Felicity looks like she's damn close to a limit right that instant. But he didn't know she had a quiet angry voice — a quiet angry voice that she is currently using on her mother. That one is actually terrifying.

"I wasn't sure you'd be willing to talk to me…"

Jessica Smoak has a slurring accent that Oliver hadn't been expecting either.

"So you go ahead and force yourself into my life?"

Felicity's eyes glaze over her mother's shoulders and her lips extend into a disgusted smirk.

"I see you've introduced yourself to my liquor cabinet."

Jessica Smoak flinches. Oliver finds himself pitying her, surprised at Felicity's uncaring, placating tone and unwavering stare. God can she be scary when she wants to be. Felicity's mother looks at Oliver with a supplication that brings feelings he hasn't experienced since Lian Yu. She looks like that prisoner that pleaded Oliver to free him only to find out he was working with Fryers in the end.

He decides to trust his instinct once more.

"I…" her mother begins.

But Felicity cuts her short, moving past him but refusing to look in his direction.

"Oliver?" she asks, and her voice loses some of its edge. "Do you mind…?"

'_Do you mind disappearing so I can hide more secrets and insecurities?'_ is really what she wants to ask him, but he's not going to play that game with her. If she wants him to get out of her hair, she'll have to be much more specific and actually push him away instead of doing it passive-aggressively; instead of always expecting him to do that for her.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

But it means no, everything in her demeanor tells him so. She doesn't want to be there, she doesn't want to see her mother and she most certainly does not want to hear the reasons why her mother barged into her home. He doesn't need more. Oliver nods, and turns his heels in the direction of Felicity's bedroom.

"No I…" she starts to say, and he knows full well that she meant that he should leave her alone for the night.

"I'll be in the room. Shout if you need me," he cuts calmly as he pushes the door almost to a close behind him.

There's no way he's letting Felicity get away with more than what he's tolerated so far. He's been patient. He hasn't pushed her. He has let her call the shots, while trying to wriggle his way into her heart so she could trust him fully. He's completely aware that she is keeping him at arms length. If she wasn't, she would have told him that she loved him too once they were done fighting about her being nuts and wanting to be rapist bait. She would be okay with coming forward as a couple.

Oliver doesn't doubt for a second that Felicity wants to be with him and that she loves him unconditionally. If she didn't, she wouldn't put up with so much of his shit. Okay, it hurt when she didn't say that she loves him back. But Diggle had warned him that it wouldn't be easy.

"_Don't tell her you love her. She won't believe you. Show her. Convince her_," Diggle had said.

He's been doing this for the past four months — six if you count the months he spent just trying to get her to date him. Tonight, he had felt her walls finally crumbling. He still doesn't know what her problem is, but he has a sinking feeling that her mother showing up uninvited is not going to help matters.

"What do you want?" Felicity queries with a tone that reminds him of the one his own mother used with people she couldn't afford to mistreat.

The good thing about Felicity's apartment — the only good thing, truly — is that her walls are thin and he doesn't even have to press his ear against the door to hear the conversation on the other side.

"I wanted to see you."

Her mother's voice is pleading and pathetic, small and full of longing. He's never heard a woman talk like that to their children. It makes Oliver feel ill at ease, and it's troubling to hear Felicity so unmoved, knowing how much of a caring person she usually is.

"I'm surprised you even knew where I lived," Felicity mocks, every word dripping with sarcasm.

"Of course I knew, I'm your _mother_."

Felicity scoffs.

"So? You've seen me. Congratulations. Was there something else?"

"Come on, baby," her mother pleads, but her voice betrays a little irritation now. "Can't you at least look like you're glad to see me?"

Felicity is indifferent though. Her tone stays icy and unwelcoming.

"What for? You haven't tried to see me since that Christmas almost ten years ago. Never bothered you before."

"The kids are supposed to call the parents," Jessica Smoak opposes, and it sounds like an argument they've already had.

"Yeah, and the parents are supposed to get worried when they don't have any news from their kids for months."

"I knew you were fine," she deflects, and it sounds so genuine it takes Oliver aback.

Felicity bursts into a humorless laugh that hurts his ears.

"You've got nerve! I'm still fine, if that's what you've been wondering."

He hears something drop — Oliver is pretty sure that Felicity has settled her purse on the bar that delimitates the kitchen from the living room.

"I can tell. Fine boyfriend that you have. Much better than Millers."

"Is that why you're here? To give me boy advice?"

"Do you have to be so defensive?" Jessica grumbles, annoyed.

"Knowing you, yes. I'm waiting for your bomb, mom. Don't back out, now, I'm waiting, fully prepared. If you're not settling for a phone call like the other five times, it better be good. So what is this, this time? You're getting married? You're pregnant? You found dad _yet_ again?"

"Do you have to be so belittling? I'm still your mother."

"No, you don't get to break into my apartment and give me lessons on rudeness and respect."

"You came lurking first!" she attacks. "You think I didn't see you after old Adam Millers' funeral?"

"I'm surprised you even noticed. I heard you had a new boyfriend, it's not like you to pay attention to anything other than yourself in such cases."

"Careful, baby…" her mother warns, and Oliver can tell she's taking her proverbial gloves off.

"If that bothered you so much, you could have called the cops. Wouldn't have been the first time."

"You keep shoving past mistakes in my face like you've never made any!"

"Oh trust me mom, I'm fully aware of every single one of my mistakes, it's not like you allowed me to forget either. Is that why you're here? To remind me that dad left because of me? That I'm your biggest regret? That if I hadn't been born, big ol' Tony Smoak wouldn't have split and you'd still be happy together?"

"Don't say his name!"

"Or what? What do you want mom? Why are you here? Because aside from accusing me of very old stuff, I'm not hearing an actual reason. And you sure as hell could have done it over the phone."

"It's because you don't let me talk!"

There's a heavy, loaded silence that makes even Oliver feel awkward and wish he were anywhere but there, standing like a stick in Felicity's tiny room. He forces himself to sit down on her comfortable mattress, his eyes falling on the empty nightstand. He finds himself frowning, noticing something for the first time.

There are no pictures in Felicity's room. Now that he thinks about it, there are none in the entirety of her apartment. Her walls are covered in abstract paintings, movie posters, and other random stuff. But she doesn't have any pictures — not of herself, not of her friends from Milford, or Aaron or… them, Diggle and Oliver. How has he not remarked on that before today?

"Fine. I'll shut up. Get everything off your chest."

There's another heavier silence as Oliver imagines the two women staring each other off like a deformed mirror. He's reminded of the portrait of Dorian Grey; two perfect faces, one getting uglier as the other one stays beautiful. How is Felicity so naïve and nice and innocent if she's grown up hearing that she's both her parents' biggest mistake?

"I'm dying, baby," Jessica Smoak chokes out.

Oliver winces in painful empathy and is surprised when that revelation is met with more silence from Felicity. Oliver wishes he could see her reaction. He's not disappointed.

"Well that one is definitely new," she comments, unsurprised. "May I ask of what?"

Oliver can tell Jessica has been taken aback too by Felicity's very unemotional response.

"Cancer," she babbles. "Liver. I've started chemo a month ago."

To Oliver's complete surprise, Felicity doesn't sound remotely moved.

"Interesting. How do you even pay for that? I doubt that your undeclared waitressing jobs cover your medical care."

"Jamie has been helping me — he has a little money. He's my boyfriend, a good guy this one…"

"Yeah, I'm sure. How much?"

"What?"

"How much do you need? To cure you of the incurable liver cancer?"

"Baby…"

Felicity cackles mercilessly.

"Do you even know what I majored in at M.I.T?" But she doesn't wait for Jessica's words. "In computer science. I'm a hacker, mom and I've had access to your medical records for years. You don't have liver cancer."

Oliver closes his eyes, his head falling in his palms, his heart hurting for Felicity's.

"Baby…" Jessica repeats, pleadingly.

Oliver's fists tighten, and it takes all his energy to let Felicity deal with her mother on her own. Can't the woman fucking call her daughter with the name that she gave her? Why does she have to baby her?

"You must be _really _desperate to break into my apartment and not even take the time to set up your fake dying story. You've lost your edge. Come on, answer. How much do you need?"

He hears Felicity stand, ruffling through stuff in her purse obviously looking for her checkbook.

"I'm all ears. A thousand? Three? Ten? Fifty? How much do you owe Jamie the good guy?"

"You don't have fifty grand," Jessica surrenders. Oliver barely hears her voice, covered in genuine shame.

"Ha no but my boyfriend does, doesn't he?" And there it is, behind the ice. The hurt, the anger, the self-loathing. Her resolve is crumbling. "Isn't that why you're here? Because Aaron came crying on his mother's shoulder that big bad Felicity dumped him for a bigger fish?"

Is that what she's been so worried about all along? That her family would come after his money? Is that why she tried to stay away from him, why she never told her mother that she was working for him? He can't bring himself to believe that. He's sure that Felicity didn't tell her mom because she didn't think she'd care, or because she'd have to hear her judgment.

"Why else would you break your engagement to Aaron?"

"Ha. Yes." Oliver didn't know these two little words could be loaded with so much pain. "I forgot, it's the Tony-Smoak-way. You don't break off an engagement because you realize you made a mistake, you do it because you can get access to more money. How did that work out for you? Was dad everything you wanted and more?"

He hears the sound of ripping paper as Felicity tears the check away from its book.

"Don't say his name," Jessica repeats in a broken voice.

"You're pathetic, mom," Felicity says but it's not her loud voice, it's a defeated one that Oliver's never heard from her. It's like she still wishes the words were going to shake some sense into her mom. "You've ruined your life and mine for him, and you're not still learning twenty years later, paying off your boyfriend's debt like it's going to make him stay!"

"You don't know what you're talking about!" her mother protests.

"_They never stay, mom_!" Felicity insists. "They just don't! They don't stay because you have a baby with them or because you have a ring on your finger and they won't stay because you paid them off with your daughter's money either."

"You think you've got everything figured out," Jessica exclaims, but it's not an accusation. It's not even intended to hurt Felicity. It's resignation. It's motherly advice and it makes Oliver want to vomit. "Just because you've climbed the social ladder doesn't mean you won't come crashing down. I don't wish you that, but I know it's going to happen. You're all young and pretty and you clean up well with the princess dresses that he pays for. Wait until he realizes that you can take the girl out of the trash but that you can't take the trash out of the girl. Then we'll see if we're so different and if you're not willing to do anything to keep him."

Oliver shoots up, his hand closing on the door handle, ready to barge in and rip that evil woman apart, when Felicity answers on an eerily even tone that freezes him on the spot.

"Well I don't know about you but I feel like that wonderful advice was worth fifty grand. Here. Feel free to cash it in whenever."

"I didn't do this to hurt you, you have to know that… You can't understand…"

"No I can't. I'm not even going to try."

"It's… You've always been so strong, so much like him…"

"Don't!" Felicity spits, anger and rage and loathing dripping from every syllable by now. "Don't call me trash one second and the strongest one the next. Just get the hell out of my life and don't you dare ever show your face because I'll make you regret it." There's no mistaking the threat in Felicity's voice. Oliver doesn't need to see her to know how dead serious she is. "You might not know it but I have the means to _ruin_ you beyond your beliefs. I will be my father's daughter that way."

Oliver doesn't hear anything for a few seconds, to the point that he's convinced that Felicity has scared her mother off. But then he hears the woman's small broken voice.

"I'm _sorry_. I'm really sorry for…"

"I don't care. Get. Out."

He hears Jessica Smoak rush away in the hall followed by the sound of the door shutting so loud behind her that the walls shake and Oliver hesitates for a second. Felicity will be angry. She'll be angry and hurt and lost and she's going to take it out on him because he's there, because he stayed, because she might have decided that she wouldn't show her mother how much her words affected her but Oliver knows that she believed and took to heart every single one of them.

In fifteen short minutes, Jessica Smoak has managed to ruin four years of personal development for Felicity. Four years of getting that amazing woman out of her shell, four years of friendship and redefinition of what being a family means, four years of happiness devastated with ten sentences and fifty grand. Even the invincible Slade Wilson didn't manage to tear Felicity Smoak apart.

But Felicity never backed down and never stopped believing in him, not when he ran away to his purgatory, not even when Slade Wilson was ripping everything away from him. So Oliver guesses it's time for payback. To show her that she's wrong. Men don't always leave.

At least _he_ won't.

* * *

Oliver steps out of the room tentatively, freaked out by the quietness that has settled in the small apartment. When he reaches the living room, he finds Felicity sitting on the edge of her couch, sipping on a full glass of red wine. The bottle was already opened — probably the one her mother had taken while she waited for her daughter.

She's staring off in space and jumps as she hears him enter the room. She looks like she had forgotten that he was even here, and rolls her eyes in shame.

"If you've come to pity me, the door is that way," she scoffs.

So. Angry and hurt it is. At least she's not crying. Yet.

Oliver shrugs and goes to get another glass from the cupboard in the kitchen. He spots what must have been Jessica's in the trash close to the sink, but doesn't comment on it.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asks, grabbing the bottle and pouring himself a glass.

"Talk about what? My mom being the worst con artist ever? No. I could use some space however."

"Yeah, that's not going to happen," he answers, taking a sip like he doesn't have a care in the world.

Deep down though, he's extremely aware of how much of a thin line he's walking on. Her eyes flash up in irritation, her jaw clenching.

"Fine. It's just a matter of time anyway."

"A matter of time until what? Until I split?"

"Well you heard the woman. I'm trash in a princess dress. You better open your eyes now before it's too late."

And there it is. _"Don't tell her you love her. She won't believe you. Show her. Convince her."_ How is he supposed to do that if she won't fucking look?

"None of what she told you was true, Felicity," he counters softly. "She can't even say your name."

Felicity's eyes fly to meet his in surprise and bitterness. She looks like she has no fight left in her, like she can't deal with anything else and that scares him because Oliver has never seen her like this.

"You've noticed?" she asks cynically. "I think that was what I was supposed to be for her, for them. Their felicity. How ironic that I turned out to be the worst thing to ever happen to both of them, huh? Serves them right."

"Well, I for one am really happy that you exist, trust me."

But she snorts, taking another sip from her glass.

"I come in handy sometimes, don't I? Arranging your schedule and hacking into the mainframes of a few federal prisons for Green Arrow. You couldn't do any of it without me, could you?"

"Funny, I thought I was the only one who could throw himself massive pity-parties."

If looks could kill… Damn she can be scarier than him when she puts her mind to it.

"If you don't want to be here, Oliver, no one is keeping you. I showed you the door and I didn't tell you to stay."

"Is that what you want? Do you want me to walk out that door so I can validate your idea that men always leave?"

Felicity clenches her jaw and drops her glass on the table in front of her angrily. When she stands up, she rolls her eyes and it pisses him off as much as when she throws her ridiculous motto of "her life her choice" at him.

"Oh stop with the stupid hero act, Oliver! You and I both know it's never going to work out!"

It's like a punch in his stomach that makes him want to throw up and he has to remind himself that he knew what he was getting into by staying, eavesdropping and going to confront her. At least, he'll know exactly the extent of her lack of trust.

And he can fucking stay.

"Is that your way of pushing me away? Because I'm not leaving!"

But Felicity laughs at his face like she laughed at her mother's and it hurts way more than he ever thought it would.

"Come on, Oliver I'm not stupid! How long until one of your enemies shows up at the foundry and targets me and you are crushed with guilt? How long until I get another variation of your wonderful self-righteous speech about how you can't handle being with me because of the life that you lead? How long until you act all noble and tortured-hero-like and tell me that I'm too good for you and that you can't tame my purity or whatever bullshit you're going to come up with?"

Damn she knows him well. He can't believe that she took that stupid speech after Russia so seriously. He'd just come back from Lian Yu. He really couldn't handle being with her then, and she knew it. He's never stopped to think that the barriers he tried to set up had been so efficient for her when they'd been so ridiculously useless where he's concerned.

"It's not going to happen!" Oliver grunts out, annoyed that he doesn't know how else to convince her. "I told you four months ago, right outside that door that I wasn't confused. Nothing has changed for me. I'm not backing out."

But exactly like Diggle told him months ago, Felicity isn't convinced. She goes back to grab her glass of wine and gulps it down, but Oliver snatches it away from her before she can pour herself another one. She can handle this sober, he knows it. Felicity looks away and takes a step back but Oliver doesn't plan on letting her have time to think of ways to escape this conversation — to escape him, _them_.

He seizes her wrist gently and takes it as a victory when she doesn't shake it away from him.

"I'm staying, Felicity! I'm not leaving end of story," he says slowly. "I'm not dumping you, and I'm not leaving. Yes, I'm terrified that you become a target. I'm probably going to lose it if it ever happens, but I'm not going to dump you because... It's too late, okay? I'm in too deep and there's no going back. Even if I sent you on the other side of the planet, I couldn't take it if anything happened to you."

Felicity bites her lips. She's listening. He's getting through to her, he can feel it.

"And yes, I can't even think about you losing your innocence because of that quest but… Your life, your choice, right?" He can't believe he's using her motto against her, but for god's sake he doesn't even know how to prove to her that he's not going anywhere. "As long as I'm your choice, I'm here to stay. Because let's be honest last year when you were dating Aaron I couldn't handle the thought of losing you to him, to a normal life. I'm selfish like that…"

"I hate that life," Felicity grumbles, her throat tight. The tears that don't show in her eyes are stuck in the back of her mouth.

He can't help a hopeful smile.

"Good. Me too."

Felicity closes her eyes, and he knows she's thinking his words through, looking for flaws.

"I'm all in, Felicity," he tells her, tugging at her wrist, making her step closer to him.

"Don't say that," she breathes out, terrified.

"Why? Because you won't believe it's true?"

She shakes her head, but it's not a no, it's her looking for other ways to push him away. She bites her lips and takes a step back.

"She's right you know, I can dress up all I want but I don't fit in your world. I babble too much, say the wrong thing and stumble on my own feet…"

If he could, he would sigh in relief. If that's the best she can do, they should be fine sooner than he expected.

"My world is the basement of a foundry that _you_'ve renovated and arranged. It's not horrible galas and CEO crap. Trust me, you fit in way more at any of these events than I ever will since the island. Your mom was wrong, Felicity. There's no way you're trash. You have more class than most women at these galas ever will. And you have everyone wrapped around your finger at QC."

Felicity gulps and takes a step back but Oliver follows her pace.

"You don't get it, Oliver she's not completely wrong."

"_Yes, she is_. She doesn't know you. I do. I know you and you're nothing like your mother."

"Yes! You are to me what my father was to her. You're my everything! My life starts and ends with you! There's no part of my life that you don't belong into!"

"What?"

Oliver is so surprised he lets go of her wrist and Felicity takes the opportunity to move away from him, put some distance between them, her hands flying to her hair to run through it endlessly, messing her beautiful hairdo in the process. She looks lost in her own head, playing her mother's words and twisting them in her mind.

Her voice waivers and trembles — she's spiraling and he doesn't know how to stop her.

"You… My job, both of them… they're with you. I wake up to go to work with you, I go to bed with you, I spend my day with you, I don't have friends that don't know you… You make me happy everyday and that means that you have the power to take it away too! The day you decide it's over…"

"It's not going to happen!" he cuts, but she doesn't hear it.

"That day I lose _everything_. Do you have any idea what that feels like? Because I've never had much to lose before and I… I just… I can't…"

Oliver opens his mouth and blinks, feeling like he can't breathe.

"What are you saying?"

There they are. The tears he's been dreading. They're filling her eyes up and he's shocked to feel some gathering in his own tightened throat.

"Do you want to stop, Felicity?"

He can't believe this is it. He can't believe he's had it all and she's going to mess things up and give up on him now when they can be so happy.

But she looks up at the ceiling and her lip wobbles and he understands. It's another tactic to push him a way. It's another way to see if she can convince him to get out while he still can. Isn't she tired of giving him outs that he's not remotely interested in?

"Do you?" she deflects.

"No," he declares forcefully. "_No_, I don't want to stop. _No_, I'm not leaving unless you tell me you're done with us. Are you done with us?"

If he can hear the pleading in his own voice, he has to believe that Felicity hears it too and believes how genuinely scared he is. And she apparently does. Because next thing he knows, Felicity blinks and shakes her head and this time it's a very expressive no. His heart unclenches, freeing his lungs at the same time and Oliver is overwhelmed with relief.

"Good," he comments, like he didn't just stop living for a second.

She has managed not to let the tears come out of her eyes, but she's shaking a little and Oliver finds himself drained emotionally. He rubs a hand over his face in exhaustion, wondering what the hell is supposed to happen now.

"Is there anything else you want to say?" he asks.

Might as well get it over with. But Felicity shakes her head no once more, prompting a nod from Oliver.

"Okay, then how about we go to bed? I don't know about you but I feel pretty tired."

She stares at him incredulously, like she still can't believe he hasn't gone, and isn't planning on giving her space she doesn't want. He's taken her aback, surprised her once more and it pains him to realize that she won't believe that he's as unwilling to let go of them as she is.

But considering his behavior over the past four years, and considering the shitty parents that she had and her previous boyfriends using her insecurities to their advantage, he guesses he can't exactly blame her.

He holds out his hand for her to take. Felicity stares at it for a second before moving to slip her hand in his, and Oliver doesn't wait to tug her against his chest. She crashes against him, suddenly crying and Oliver is relieved to see that she's finally letting loose. His arms tighten around her, his lips going to kiss the top of her head as he lets her scent surround him and appease him.

"I'm not leaving," he repeats, hoping that it fully sinks in this time. "I love you."

He knows she hears him because she clings to his shirt and gets even closer to him. She's still not ready to say it back. Okay, whatever, he can deal with that. He can sort of read between the lines. Telling him that he's everything to her, that has to top an _I love you too_, doesn't it? He'll take what he can get.

Eventually she walks out of his embrace and wipes the tears away with her palms.

"I'm sorry," she whispers, her eyes avoiding his in shame.

Oliver shakes his head, his fingers coming to cup her chin and force her to meet his stare.

"Don't be. Believe it or not, I know how you feel. I've experienced first hand what it is to contemplate losing you. You have seen me very poorly handling it last year. That's why you didn't tell me about your engagement wasn't it?"

Felicity's eyes fill with shock and horror. She hadn't connected her mother's sentence and the fact that he was in the next room hearing the whole thing.

"Don't beat yourself up," he smiles. "I already knew. Why do you think I'm so jealous of Aaron?"

She frowns and leans back in surprise.

"You knew? How? Since when?"

Oliver gulps and shrugs.

"Diggle told me the night you broke up with Aaron."

If Felicity had been angry and hurt before, she is now freaking out.

"Diggle knows? How did he know? I didn't tell anyone!"

"You forgot to take the ring off, once."

She looks away searchingly, raking her memory and Oliver knows when it dawns on her.

"That morning when we were looking for that kid. I was so distracted…"

"That you forgot to hide that you were getting married?"

Felicity half-shrugs sheepishly. "I panicked."

"You panicked when you said yes or you panicked when you realized you had to tell us?" he presses, and he knows full well how much of a jealous boyfriend he sounds like.

"I said yes because you and Diggle were pushing me away, Oliver. It was the night I forgot about his party for his firm and you'd been a dick to me for a few weeks then. You guys were going around behind my back and I thought it was only a matter of time before Team Arrow cut me loose."

"He proposed _that night_?" he repeats, because of course that's the most important thing to focus on. The fact that she's so insecure because he's always pushed her away instead of pulling her in is apparently not the first thing he reacts to.

Felicity's leveling glare makes him wince.

"That's all you got from that?"

But her eyes are still wet so she's much less scary than she was barely five minutes ago. Oliver's arms drop to his sides, and soon his hands are shoved deep in his pockets as he looks away.

"Well yes, it's not exactly news that I was an idiot for pushing you away. I thought I was doing you a favor. Aaron told me he was going to propose at some point and I…"

"He told you," she deadpans, clear disbelief in her voice. "When? At your secret 'let's plan Felicity's life' meetings?"

"When I brought you back after your irresponsible behavior with the Clock King. You were out, and we had a conversation."

"A conversation," she repeats, nodding in bafflement.

And he sees when everything clicks in Felicity's mind. His entire behavior all these weeks, all these months even, before Aaron finally called it quits. She frowns suddenly.

"You let me go to his father's funeral when you knew that I'd been engaged to him?"

"Why? I shouldn't have?" he asks, pushing his fists deeper into his pockets.

"No, I mean, that's… very mature. And trusting."

Oliver's eyes fly up to meet hers in a piercing gaze. He'd prefer it if she could hide the surprise in her tone but hey. At least she's praising him. Funny how she can keep defending him when she can't trust that he won't break her heart.

"You've never failed me. You've always trusted me even when I didn't trust myself. You believed in me for two for the longest time. I can believe in us for two right now."

He holds her closer to him and begins walking towards the bedroom. She lets him lead, her head against his chest.

They reach her bedroom and Oliver walks into the en suite bathroom to get ready. When he comes back, Felicity is sitting on her bed anxiously, biting the nail of her thumb. She's changed out of her dress into one of his white button-down shirts, and the sight of her in his clothing with her undone hair style makes him join her there faster.

When she comes back from her own trip to the bathroom, she looks as nervous as exhausted. What now?

"Come here, Felicity."

She doesn't need to be told twice and slides on her side of the bed but Oliver reaches for her instantly and gathers her against him. She can't help but entangle her legs with his and curl her fingers around his hand. These needy gestures are all that is keeping him together. He didn't lie when he said he could believe in them for two. But it's sometimes hard to remind himself that he knows that she loves him, that he has other proofs than the three words and that he has to earn it like he earned her trust, her faith and her respect.

His hand caresses her hair, his fingers dipping in the soft curls and soon enough, he feels Felicity relax against him.

To think that their night had been going so good… His plan had been to convince Felicity to accept to be officially a couple and then proceed to celebrate that news with tons of sex (on a comfortable surface for once).

Leave it to Jessica Smoak to screw everything up — her daughter included.

"You sure she won't come back?" he eventually asks.

Felicity barely tenses, then she shrugs.

"I don't think she will. I scared the shit out of her."

"I'm sorry for everything she said. I can't believe she tried to con you…"

"Well technically she tried to con _you_. She has no idea how much money I have on my accounts. She's not smart enough to think I might have invested the few bucks that I'd saved up."

Oliver can't hide his proud smirk. Felicity has explained to him how she won most of the hacking competitions her and her classmates from M.I.T threw at each other, and how a few of them had built their own startups already in college. She had a good instinct and made more money than Oliver imagined when he first met her. She's not a billionaire or anything, but she's self-sufficient and could stop working for a few years before running out of money.

"I can't believe my price is fifty grand," she thinks out loud and Oliver chuckles. There she is, his babbly I.T girl.

"I'd say how much I'd be willing to spend for you but that might not come off as romantic as I wished it would."

Now that has her laughing too. Good. For someone as funny as Felicity is, he's surprised that she doesn't laugh more.

"Thank you."

"For what?" he frowns.

"For not giving up on me."

"Don't thank me for that. It's no big deal — you're easy to love."

He feels her smile against his chest and readjust herself to get closer to him. Within a few minutes, Felicity has fallen asleep against him, crushed by the very emotional night. She looks like she is sinking in the mattress and melting into his skin, swallowed whole by the covers. There are no barriers when she sleeps. Her face shows her innocence and all the hope that she keeps within her to give out to others — Oliver wishes she'd use some of that hope on her.

He's relieved that he has managed to get through to her, even if it only sticks for a few days. He understands her fears. She doesn't realize what is at stake for him too. If he messes up, if she stops believing in him and longs for something else suddenly his own life as he knows it stops too. She has so much power over him and she doesn't even realize it.

She doesn't realize that she was never supposed to join the crusade. Him going back to her again and again… Oliver remembers Diggle giving him the side eye and a shake of his head every time he had to go get help from Felicity. She has been his magnet since the get go. Honestly, it was dumb of him to always go to the same person to ask for favors. He should have changed people often — it would have been exhausting, but manageable. The thing is, she found a way through his barriers and snuck up on him from the beginning.

Diggle was right. He couldn't deal with his feelings for her before and wouldn't acknowledge them because she is indeed his undoing. And she does have power over him in so many ways. She's basically the only person he listens to, that gets through to him. Diggle has stopped even trying sometimes, knowing exactly when to let Felicity speak up. She's also the heart of Team Arrow, the moral compass and the light that shines through Roy, Diggle and his own dark souls. She supports him at work at QC, guides him through the sinuous streets of Starling City and manages to cheer him up when he's down.

She can make him break his vow, she can make him lose his mind and she can undo him with a few words.

How can he make her see that?

* * *

The morning after, Oliver gets up earlier than Felicity. He trashes the bottle, cleans the apartment up and gets rid of any reminder of the fact that Jessica Smoak barged into Felicity's life to ruin her daughter. When Felicity finally gets up, he sees the relief color her face upon seeing him. She pours herself a cup of coffee before joining him on the couch.

"Hey," she murmurs.

"Hey. How did you sleep?"

"Okay, you?" she smiles awkwardly.

She still feels self-conscious about their fight from the night before. He can tell she's worried she's freaked him out by opening up that much and letting him see so many of her insecurities. Nine years ago, he would have been freaked out, probably scared away. But after five years of emotional and physical torture, after four years of spending his nights moonlighting as a vigilante, a few insecurities out of love is not about to make him run for the hills.

He's spent most of the night thinking over solutions to acknowledge Felicity's insecurities and soothe her worry. And now is as much as a good time to bring it up.

"I thought a lot, to be honest."

"Oh?" she asks, apprehension wrinkling her forehead, leaning away from him with dread. "About what?"

"About what you said. Look… If you're worried about not having a life outside of me, we can work on that…"

"The problem isn't that I don't have a life outside of you. It's that I don't want one."

He stares at her.

"Aaaaand I'm being a total creep."

"No, stop it come on!" Oliver chuckles. "I'm trying to be a good boyfriend and give you space. I… The truth is, I've kind of made your life all about me."

It's Felicity's turn to stare at him.

"You're not the only insecure one, you know. It might not have been deliberate on my part, but I can see how you feel like I'm everywhere, because when I realized that I wanted you, it was impossible to escape you."

"What are you talking about?"

"Well you managed to avoid me just fine after we slept together at QC but before then, after your breakup with Aaron you were kind of always there. Like, _always_. In a good way now but I was kind of struggling with myself then."

Felicity arches an incredulous eyebrow but he sees something sparkle in her eyes. He can't believe that opening up to her, that much, is working so well.

"So here's the thing. You know how you've been nagging me about doing more for the IT department and linking it to the Applied Sciences and how there are so many things we could research and invest in?"

"I haven't been _nagging_. Merely pointing it out…"

Oliver levels her with a dubious look that makes Felicity grimace.

"Do you want me to show you all the forwarded press releases that you've filled my emails with and the post-its that you buried my desk with?"

"Like you kept them," she snorts.

"Not the point. I want you to do a presentation with all your ideas. Basically, all you think QC should focus on? Select a few fantasies that might be affordable by someone other than the NSA and if you convince the board to create a new department, I think they'll want you as head of it."

Felicity's eyes widen when she takes in the implication.

"What? But what about our nightly activities? The ones of the green kind, obviously… You said that you didn't want eighteen floors between us!"

"Well I guess I can find a way to set you up to be on the floor right below mine."

"That means moving Alston's department."

"Really? I didn't even think of that," he answers with a cunning smile that lets her know how much of a silver lining this actually was when he first thought about it.

She stays completely quiet, her mouth opened in shock, and he takes the opportunity to tuck a stray curl behind her ear.

"Look, I'm not making any promises but it's worth a try. You'll have your own thing and hopefully you won't feel like I can take everything away from you. See it that way: if you break up with me, you'll have something other than 'fake assistant' on your resume."

"Oliver…"

"Of course, all of this is up to you. I didn't give you a choice when I made you my E.A and… well sorry about that I guess."

A shy smile breaks on Felicity's face and finally, Oliver recognizes the girl in front of him. The girl who would never take no for an answer, the girl who never stops fighting, the girl who picks herself up and dusts herself off and gets back in the saddle even when she's crushed with sadness and hurt. He finds himself mirroring her reaction, and almost doesn't go with the rest of his plan.

"Is that a yes?" he presses.

"Yes," she breathes.

"Great, now next order of business."

Felicity tilts her head in surprise but Oliver doesn't give her time to let a word out. He's going to lose his momentum and his courage if he shuts up now.

"So I'm not leaving, we've settled that. Apparently you're not giving up on me so I'd say we're on the right track."

"Right track?"

"Hear me out. You're worried that you have too much at stake if I split. I'm terrified that you'll remember that I basically used to be a killer with…"

"Oliver, no…" she pleads, like he knew she would.

So he's supposed to believe that she doesn't care that he was a killer but he's supposed to stop loving her just because? Bullshit.

"Anyway. I'll add for the sake of the argument that I'm kind of concerned with the fact that your mom has found a way to get into your apartment so easily, that I don't trust that she won't come back, and that you're basically still living in the apartment that you inhabited with your ex-fiancé…"

He watches as Felicity catches up with his trail of thought, and how her eyes bug out of her face.

"Are you asking me to move in with you?" she articulates, utter disbelief in every syllable.

"Well, I'm kind of sick of sleeping on a cot and I plan on spending the rest of my life with you so… Yeah. We could find a place between QC and Verdant with both our names on the lease. Even ground."

There's the longest moment of surprised silence before Felicity starts speaking again.

"Isn't it too soon?"

Oliver shrugs. He can't believe he's reached the point where he's less nervous about the idea of living with a girl than asking her if she wants to move in with him.

"We've known each other for four years. And that way, you'll know if I'm worth the headache. Maybe you'll realize that you liked me better as a friend you could ogle mercilessly while he worked out."

Felicity can't help looking at his abs, a wide smirk spreading her lips. He notices the hunger in her eyes and it's a testament to his self-control that he doesn't take her right there. If she wants control, he'll give her control over their relationship.

"And okay, we can not tell anyone if you're not ready. I'll wait until you give the all clear."

"Wouldn't it be ridiculous if we live together?" Felicity counters.

"You didn't exactly say yes to that. If you did though, I don't think it would be ridiculous and that it'd change a lot of our current routine. Let's be honest, there's no way we're getting at QC at the same time. Ever. No one would see the difference: you'd still be there way earlier than me, going with your car and we'd leave around the same time separately. And you can keep your apartment for as long as you like. That way if you feel… anything, unhappy, overwhelmed, angry, like you need space or something… you can come back."

He knows she can afford paying her rent and adding half of one with him. He's not even going to offer to pay for the whole thing, that would completely crush all his effort. She wants him to treat her as his equal, as his partner. That's his way of showing her that he can do that. That they can work.

Felicity bites her thumb nail worriedly and stays quiet for the longest time, to the point where Oliver finds it tougher and tougher to appear relaxed and like he doesn't care if she says no. He cares. A fucking lot.

"Okay," she agrees eventually.

He can't hold back the sigh of relief that escapes him, one that Felicity definitely notices. He sees something in her eyes that wasn't there before. As if, finally, she was piecing his behavior together and liking the way the puzzle was looking out. He feels pride for thinking this through.

"I'll keep that apartment but we can look for a place for the two of us. A place that Aaron has never lived in."

Ha. He's transparent about that. Well, good for him, at least that gets things done. Which leaves one topic that he had absolutely not planned on broaching.

"I'm going to need to know how he proposed, you know."

"Why?" Felicity asks wearily.

"So that I don't do the same when _I_ propose."

"Woooah, Oliver slow down…" Felicity exclaims, standing up and pushing her glasses up her nose.

"I'm not saying _now_! But you know, down the line…"

"Why, because Aaron beat you to it?" she rolls her eyes.

Well, maybe 1% but Oliver is not stupid enough to tell her that.

"No, because I love you and I just told you I wanted to spend my life with you. So first we move in together, then you tell everyone we know that we're in a relationship, and depending on how long that takes, we'll see where we stand on the proposal thing. But there's no way I'm doing it like Aaron did."

"Trust me, there really _is_ no way you can do it the way he did," Felicity snorts.

Oliver doesn't pout because he's a grown up man. It's not a pout. It's… It's a manly reaction of something that is definitely not a pout.

"What, he took you to the Eiffel Tower or something?" Oliver grumbles.

This earns him a look that floats between condescension and amusement.

"_Yes_, Oliver, Aaron the junior lawyer took me to Paris after a gigantic fight because I almost stood him up just so he could propose to me."

"He proposed when you were fighting?" Oliver presses. "But we fight so often!"

"Oliver stop! The way Aaron proposed is none of your business but if we move into another apartment I can guarantee you that it will be different."

"He proposed to you _here_?" Oliver understands and there's a new gigantic spark, scratch that, _flame_ of jealousy that bursts in his chest. "Urgh. You're right, we need to move out now."

Felicity's smirk is most definitely amused now.

"Oliver, you're being ridiculous."

"No I'm not. It's perfectly reasonable to be jealous of a guy that you contemplated marrying."

"I didn't! Oliver I told literally no one that I was getting married! I didn't think I could ever be with you and I loved Aaron then."

He hates, _hates_, _HATES_ that she manages to say that she loved Aaron to his face. Felicity interprets his somber face as him pouting and sighs in relent.

"I wasn't in love with him, I know that now but I thought I was."

Oliver can't handle the giddiness that spreads in his chest. She has to mean that she's in love with _him_, now, right? She can't just be saying it for the sake of it, right? How old is he, fifteen? Oliver tries to get a grip and focus on what Felicity keeps on saying.

"And he kind of proposed by accident, he was yelling that I wasn't making enough time for him and always picked up the phone for you, and then he kept insisting that he wanted us to be more and more serious and… in hindsight, I think we were doomed from the get go. It didn't even broach my mind one second, the idea of marriage with him. And then he was going through his luggage in my room which was his hideout for the ring. There. None of your business but you have it. Will you let it go now?"

Oliver is so thrown off that she relented and revealed the proposal that he doesn't know where to start.

"He proposed in the bedroom?" he eventually asks, his finger pointing at the wall, because let's be honest, he's a jealous Neanderthal. "That bedroom? The one that we have a lot of sex in?"

Felicity rolls her eyes and crosses her arms over her chest.

"No, the other one where we never have sex because it's now a shrine for my still burning relationship with Aaron."

Oliver glares at her murderously.

"Oliver, I'm completely done with him. I didn't talk to him for seven months before he called me for support. If anything, he's always been jealous of _our_ relationship, even before we started dating!"

That brings a diabolical smirk on Oliver's face as he thinks back about all the texts he sent Felicity and how he always demanded more attention from her to mess with Aaron and how happy he is that it was so efficient — but he knows better than to comment.

"Did it broach your mind?" he queries, because deep down he has as many issues as Felicity.

"Did what broach my mind?" she replies, walking to the kitchen with tranquility.

"Marrying me."

Her eyes fly up to meet his over the bar, and the look of deer caught in headlights quickly followed by a deep blush is all the answer he needs. The giddiness comes back, pulling his lips in a self-satisfied smirk.

"Let's go hunt for apartments," he says happily.

Felicity rolls her eyes, trying to hide her blush and her annoyance at being so transparent.

"But first, just for my sake, we need to have even more sex in that bedroom of yours. Since you're not going to tell me exactly where it happened and I'm not sure I want to know, we'll just have to do it on every surface."

He throws her over his shoulder and she can't help a disbelieving yet happy laugh.

"You're kidding right?"

He's absolutely not kidding. At all. Turns out there are way more surfaces than Oliver ever thought there'd be.

[**NEXT:** Part Four – Oliver's POV]

* * *

**Author's Note:** Hopefully the big showdown wasn't too much of a disappointment and everyone's insecurities are now clear. Next and last part will be the way slowly Felicity lets go of her insecurities to get the three words out and Oliver realizing that he's not willing to hear it at any cost.

Thank you so much for reading! I look forward to hearing your thoughts!


	4. Part Four

Hey guys! Thank you SO much to everyone who reviewed! As usual, I should have answered to everyone who posted now, but I want to thank the guest reviewers too. You have no idea what your words do to me :) Without further ado: the last installment of that story! I hope it doesn't disappoint! And in case you are scared at one point — don't be. I promised a happy ending. I always deliver.

**Of Love and Abandonment Issues**

**IV.**

Oliver tells Diggle about Felicity's mother, their fight and his solution to move in together the day after, while they wait for Felicity to join them in the foundry. She's spent her night working on her presentation for a meeting that Oliver has set up to happen at the end of the week. He's as nervous as Felicity — more, even — but feels oddly content with the middle ground they've reached.

If Diggle sighs in compassion at the part about Felicity's mother, and winces once Oliver broaches the main issues their girl raised during the fight, he stares at his friend in utter wonder when Oliver mentions his solutions.

"What?" Oliver asks. "You think I made a mistake?"

"No!" Diggle counters quickly. "No, not at all. I'm impressed that you found non-sulky ways to deal with her insecurities. That's mature and trusting of you."

It doesn't escape Oliver that these are the exact same words and the exact same tone that Felicity used when he introduced the idea.

"What's with all the surprise?" Oliver grumbles.

Diggle raises his eyebrow dubiously.

"You spent more than a year pushing her away because things got too rough for you. Can't really blame her for not believing that you won't change your mind."

Oliver exhales guiltily and runs a hand through his hair.

"I know. I just can't believe she's so insecure. You should have heard her, Digg. Her dad never divorced her mom and started another family somewhere — she told her mom really calmly that she doesn't believe a guy would stay out of a legal commitment or a baby. I mean… Marriage and kids, what's more committing than that?"

Diggle's eyes widen in shock.

"You're not planning on proposing and knocking her up to make her believe you, are you?"

"What?!" Oliver yells. "No! God no. _No_. That'd be insane! And inefficient anyways, as I pointed out, since she doesn't believe in that. But if she also won't believe that I love her, how am I supposed to convince her that I'm staying?"

His friend's face falls in understanding, but even the wise John Diggle doesn't have any magic solution.

"Your way to go is working so far." He drops a comforting hand on his shoulder and presses it lightly. "Just hang in there, give her some time. Be patient."

They hear the beeping sounds of the code being entered and the door opens to let Felicity in. The moment is gone as fast as it came.

* * *

Felicity indeed convinces the board to go forward with the creation of a new IT Research and Development department. Oliver promises her that he will side with the majority on the topic and not weigh in the decision. The board spends the week studying her proposals and eventually votes that Felicity would be number two of the department, only ranked by another person that used to work for Wayne Industries.

Oliver expects a disappointed Felicity but she's over the moon at the idea of being heard by a group of hard-asses and granted the right to oversee a lot of things. The guy QC "stole" from Wayne Industries is a friend of hers from M.I.T, a friend that she vouched for during her presentation. Oliver feels jealousy seep in his chest immediately and is only relieved when Felicity casually mentions on their way back to her place later that night that Edward Raymond knows that she has a boyfriend. The day Oliver meets Edward though, he also learns that her friend is gay and he sees the glint of amusement in Felicity's eyes once he pieces everything together.

They find an apartment in a week — Oliver finds it, turns out he can be very efficient in the most mundane tasks when he has a motivating incentive — but Felicity refuses to move in there as long as the board hasn't made a final decision. She's scared that they find out she lives with Oliver and it influences the vote. Oliver doesn't remind her that they've thought they've been going at it for years because what good would that do? So he indulges her.

The day she hears the great news though, he finds her packing most of her stuff instead of going to the foundry. The blinding smile that she offers when she hears him walk through the door makes him feel like a sap. He's never thought such a ridiculous act could make him that happy.

They settle that same week-end in their apartment. The first thing Oliver does is put a ton of pictures everywhere on the walls. He can tell Felicity is moved when she gulps as she stops before each and every single picture and stares at them for the longest time.

There are some of just Felicity, of Oliver and his family but mainly it's Diggle, Roy, Oliver and her.

"You like those?" he asks shyly.

Felicity can only nod, and he sees it in her misty eyes. The three words. She doesn't say them out loud but he can feel that she's getting there.

That's all that matters, right?

* * *

It takes him a while to realize that Felicity's behavior has changed where they're concerned. She's more opened, more prone to PDA even when it's not only the two of them, and she definitely stopped all that "Mr Queen" shenanigan that turned him on so much. It's only two weeks after they've moved in together that Oliver registers the differences.

It's going to take a few months for the department to be settled in the floor below his, so for the time being Felicity stays Oliver's official E.A while recruiting her team and organizing the tasks that are most important. She's been slacking off a little bit in the keeping his schedule straight department but Oliver is honestly relieved because that means he has a good excuse to day-dream and slack off himself.

But that also means that he gets surprise guests. He's deep in a mass of contracts that he's been fake reading when one of those barges into his office.

"Your two pm is here," Felicity tells him in a clipped tone.

Oliver looks up and is shocked to see McKenna Hall stand in front of him, as beautiful as ever, all bright smile full of white teeth and seducing eyes. He knows immediately why she's here, and he takes in the way Felicity looks at his ex-girlfriend. Admiration. Sadness. He can already tell that she's comparing herself to the confident cop who walks into his office like she owns it.

"Thank you," she tells Felicity nicely.

Felicity gives her a tight-lipped smile but refuses to look at Oliver as she walks back to her desk and he feels like they've just taken fourteen steps down. He remembers the way she asked about Isabel three years ago. '_Why her? I mean, besides the leggy model reason_'.

He really does have a type, doesn't he?

How can Felicity not see that she fits his "leggy model" type? She has even more than that. Add brains, snark, talent, humor and a feminine curvy body… He never really stood a chance, come to think of it.

Oliver decides he won't let Felicity hide behind her insecurities and use McKenna to nourish them. He presses the button for the com between Felicity's desk and his — the one he barely ever uses because Felicity muttered the first week that he was '_no Don Draper and it's not the freaking sixties and you better not ever call me sweetheart_'. The point is for her to hear the whole exchange, and Oliver can tell that she's surprised when she startles upon hearing McKenna's voice in her office.

"Hey!" McKenna smiles at him.

"McKenna! How have you been?"

Felicity spins on her chair, eyes settling on him searchingly.

"Great! A year of rehab for the knee, two years up in Chicago with my sister but I really missed Starling City. Lance helped me out, wrote an amazing letter of recommendation so I would be transferred back here!"

"Awesome," Oliver lies.

It couldn't be worse news. McKenna is smart and relentless, there's an eighty-five percent chance that she might be on his Arrow back as soon as tomorrow.

"I was wondering if you wanted to grab a drink tomorrow night? Or maybe dinner? I want to catch up."

Oliver stays relaxed on the outside but inside wants to bang his head against a wall. Well, he can at least turn the thing around.

"I'll be glad to but full disclosure: I have a girlfriend."

He notices the way Felicity's eyebrows rise on her forehead, her lips spreading in a smirk. McKenna stops in her tracks but the happy smile doesn't disappear from her face.

"Huh. I'd heard the rumors, but I wasn't sure I believed them."

"The rumors?"

"Ha you know the drill," she waves off dismissively. "When Oliver Queen is only seen with one single girl everywhere he goes… Some very hot woman I bet, probably really smart if she managed to keep you in check?"

Oliver can't help the smile that brightens his face when he witnesses Felicity's reaction. It's a mix of amusement, delight and surprise.

"Hot and smart, yes, these would be two very fitting adjectives."

Again with the arched eyebrow from Felicity. Oliver finds himself shrugging, unapologetic. McKenna doesn't seem baffled at being rebuffed — if anything, she barks out a happy laugh.

"Look at you, all smitten," she teases. "Ah, I won't be one to tell you that you have bad taste. Bring her along then! The more the merrier!"

"I'll ask her, but she wants to keep our relationship a secret so don't take it personally if she says no."

Felicity's stare becomes venomous, like she resents him for saying it out loud. Okay so maybe he's pushing her a little bit, so what? He's still not saying who she is.

"Ha so she really is smart. Secret relationships are the best. Well, whatever, tell her I'm your ex, that'll make her want to come and meet me," McKenna smiles evilly.

Felicity crosses her arms over her chest, fully mocking him now.

"Oh she knows who you are don't worry," Oliver concedes. "I'm terrible at lying to her."

"Good for her. 'Cause you never really had trouble lying to my face."

He winces and sees Felicity do the same behind McKenna.

"Don't worry, I'm over it," she waves off again. "Otherwise, I wouldn't try to reconnect. In a platonic, friendly way obviously."

She hands him a card with her number on it as Felicity stands and steps inside his office decidedly.

"Hey," Oliver greets in surprise.

He doesn't know what to expect. Knowing Felicity, she won't get into McKenna's face and tear her apart. But she might also have gotten inside to make sure that his ex didn't come to rip him a new one about lying to her. Or maybe she's just come to bring him another folder full of boring contracts. One never knows with Felicity Smoak.

McKenna doesn't even look at her at first, but then Felicity comes to stand close to him and looks at his schedule on her tablet.

"We don't have anything planned tomorrow so dinner or drinks, you pick," she tells him, her eyes firmly planted in his.

There has to be a sparkle of happiness showing because he sees her blush heavily as McKenna connects the dots.

"Dinner would prevent us from going grocery shopping though because the fridge is empty," Felicity adds snidely.

Oliver almost snorts at the possessiveness behind her tone. In two sentences, she's managed to let McKenna know that she is the girlfriend Oliver was just talking up, that they make decisions as a couple and — most importantly — that they are living together.

It's the first time she's actively been possessive and shown something resembling jealousy in front of someone other than him since they've started dating. He shouldn't be proud of himself, but the truth is, he's beyond glad. So glad he wants to kiss her senseless and send his ex-girlfriend away.

"McKenna, this is Felicity Smoak, the hot and smart girlfriend I was just talking about."

Felicity's cheeks turn into that deep crimson color that Oliver likes so much. He doesn't even try to hide the huge smile that illuminates his face, while McKenna is looking at Felicity with an amused smirk that turns into a good-hearted laugh.

"You were the one setting up his internet at Verdant weren't you? Ha. I can't wait to hear that story," she spins on her high heels waving her left hand at him, and that's when he spots the diamond-shaped proof that she had no intention of rekindling their flame. "Dinner it is, Oliver. Felicity, a pleasure to meet you. I can't wait to introduce you to my very own fiancé. This should be a fun double date."

Once she's disappeared, Oliver spins Felicity in his arms and grins at her happily. She's still blushing and sort of looking away.

"Shut up," she chastises.

"I didn't say anything!" he smiles widely.

He kisses her deep, his fingers grasping at her waist, already looking for the zipper of her skirt. But Felicity steps away, tutting disapprovingly, the blush making a reappearance.

"But!" Oliver pouts.

"Oliver, no. That's the downside of being official — there's no sneaking around. People fully expect it."

He hadn't thought of that. Then he listens to her words and frowns.

"What do you mean 'people'? Who have you told?"

"No one really. Who goes around a company and tells people they're dating the CEO? I'm just not going out of my way to hide it I guess. I think Jared figured us out, he was making that face when you offered to move his department…"

"Who cares about Jared?" Oliver grumbles. He doesn't. "Are you sure you're okay with that double-date thing with McKenna?"

He wouldn't be so nice about it if Aaron came up and offered to introduce them to his new girlfriend. Fiancée. Who cares. Oliver would go nuts. But McKenna and him are a different story. They were barely serious.

"Yeah, don't worry. I pushed you to do some flirty-flirt with her four years ago, remember? Back when you put the fear of god into people."

"I still do!"

"Sure, honey," she coos, patting him on the cheek. "Try saying this to someone who hasn't seen you whining because of a runny nose and a cough."

But Oliver doesn't take the bait. It's the first time she's ever used a pet name for him. Sure it was to mess with him and mock him, but he takes it as a victory. Her walls are crumbling down, she's dropping her guard and he finds himself smiling in contentment.

"Why are you smiling?"

"Nothing. I'm happy, that's all."

And once again, he notices that he's said the right words. She blushes, smiles shyly at him and squeezes his hand once. As she walks out of his office, she bites her lips so much he barely hears her whisper.

"So am I."

* * *

A week later, Oliver discusses a mission where they have to infiltrate a charity gala with Diggle, Roy posing as a waiter and Felicity overseeing the operations safely from the foundry. He's surprised when he doesn't have to fight her on not going out on the field but doesn't comment on it on the sheer hope that the possibility somehow escaped her attention.

"So you just insert the tip into the hole," Felicity explains as they plan the whole thing out.

It shows how far they've gone that she doesn't even realize what she just said to him. Oliver hears Roy snigger, and notices that Diggle bites his lips but neither say anything and Oliver is glad, even if he would have loved to see Felicity blush and ramble.

"And that's enough? It'll install all the spyware automatically?"

Felicity grimaces. "Technically no, but even you should be able to install it. Their setup makes my eyes bleed."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," Oliver jests. "So we'll get ready here on Friday 15th around five ten?"

Felicity suddenly jumps and gasps.

"Hold on a minute, it's not this Friday?"

"No, the one after," Diggle answers. "Why?"

Felicity's eyes slide to Oliver as she winces.

"You're going to be maaaad…"

Oliver feels his muscles tense in apprehension.

"What?" he can't help but bark out.

"I swear I didn't do it on purpose!" she pleads.

"What are you talking about? What did you do?"

He begins to panic. What the hell could she have done that would make him mad and freak her out? On a Friday? Did they have plans that they're going to have to cancel now? That doesn't make any sense!

"It was supposed to be a surprise! That's why I don't do surprises. Actually no, that's not true I love surprising people…"

"Felicity! What are you talking about?"

"That's the Give Back To The Glades charity gala next Friday that you are infiltrating? Honestly, it's not my fault, you attend so many of those I lose track of them, it's not like you can blame me."

"Felicity!" Oliver has to cut once more, losing his patience now. "What did you do?"

Felicity flinches and winces, then sighs in despair as she rummages through her purse. After a few horrible seconds, she extracts a folder that she holds out to him with an apologetic face.

"What is that?"

What the hell? Oliver frowns, opening the manila folder curiously. He finds the printed invitation for the party with his name on it and Felicity's, then two impressive files that look like a contract, stamped with the Human Resources department logo. It doesn't click immediately. It's only when he hears Diggle's short laugh that everything suddenly comes together.

"You put yourself as my plus one? For the gala?"

"It was supposed to be a surprise," she grumbles and it sounds like a whine. "I promise I didn't expect it to turn out to be a Green Arrow mission. I already RSVPed, technically — that party planner was such a pain in my butt, I swear — but I can call them back and change the list. Or better yet, I can change it myself by infiltrating their…"

She's already turning her seat to face her computer, and Oliver can feel Diggle's insistent stare on the back of his neck. Thank god Roy knows better than to open his mouth though. Suddenly Diggle decides it's time for Roy's training, leaving Oliver somewhat alone with his girlfriend.

Oliver grabs the chair's armrest to pull her back in front of him and smiles. Felicity's is a little shy and lopsided, like she honestly expects him to be mad at her for giving him what he wants. Their timing couldn't suck more though. She's finally ready to come out and make them official as a couple and he has to consider putting a damper on things because he can't handle putting her in harm's way.

And that's when he suddenly realizes that she will have to attend every single one of these events on his arm and he won't exactly be able to find reasons for her not to show. Granted, he doesn't infiltrate or conduct Arrow business at every gala or charity thing that he attends. But the few ones that he does infiltrate? How is he going to find ways to keep Felicity out of them?

He's so screwed.

But Oliver decides that they'll find such answers at a later date. Right now, Felicity has tried to do something nice and looks like she regrets it and Oliver knows he can't let her back down.

"Let's get one thing clear: had we not discovered that this charity is a complete fraud, I would have gladly, scratch that, _happily_ taken you there as my plus one. I'm not one for surprises, but this one… I would have loved that one."

Felicity's smile spreads at his soft tone, prompting him to continue.

"As for the HR papers… I can't believe I didn't think of that."

Felicity looks away shyly and mutters.

"I had that whole thing planned. You would have been whiny about going to the charity alone because you can be such a baby about it, and I'd have pretended to relent and traded that you read these" she pointed at the papers in the folder, "as I prepared…"

Oliver blinks, finding himself at a loss for a second.

"It's scary how well you know me."

Felicity shrugs one shoulder.

"You know, I think that lady from HR was so relieved when I walked in and asked for these papers. It was like she started breathing again. I think she's been terrified that I'd sue QC for sexual harassment all this time…"

Oliver chuckles.

"Ha, we can't really afford that now can we? What does that say exactly?"

"Technically, that we're in a relationship, and that we're both consenting adults and that we promise that there won't be any nepotism or whatever because you're my boss. We're basically warning them that whatever happens between the two of us, we'll leave QC out of it. Your lawyers are going to want to check it, but you can read it over later at home."

Yeah, like he doesn't read enough contracts at work already — and screw his lawyers, they're only going to make Felicity feel worse when she's making so much progress. He picks up the first pen that he finds and signs the papers off at the bottom of each page without a second thought.

"You know the last time you did that you basically gave away your company, right?" Felicity mocks.

He looks up, amused.

"Here's an idea."

"Oh hell no. I'd much rather be a low-ranking employee than the CEO of Queen Consolidated. Huh. Actually, it'd be Smoak Consolidated then."

"See? You can already see yourself there. I'll be your trophy boyfriend. And sorry to break it to you, but when you're the second in command of a entire department you can't exactly consider yourself a low-ranking employee anymore."

Felicity snorts and takes the papers from his hands. She bites her lips as she stares at their two names side by side like she can't really believe it.

"Like what you see?" he can't help but ask.

She smiles timidly and half-shrugs like she doesn't care, but Oliver knows that it's not true.

"Look, about the charity thing and you being my plus one… I don't really want our first outing as an official couple to be Arrow-related."

"Why not?" Felicity frowns. "I mean, that's how we met in the first place, isn't it fitting?"

"Because I'll be worried about your safety, and I'm a jealous asshole remember? I want to stay by your side and show you off all night. No way am I letting you dance with other men this time."

Felicity rolls her eyes and laughs.

"Bruce won't be there to rile you up you know."

"Oh so it's _Bruce_ now?"

She rolls her eyes again and stands up to grab his waist and tilt her head on the side.

"Okay, I get it. I'll hack myself away and won't come along."

It sounds way too good to be true.

"I smell a trap."

"It's not one! Look, you've been humoring me with my insecurities and you're really patient with me. The least I can do is humor you with your fears and pick my battles. I was too nervous to show up to that thing anyway, so really it's good that you're saying no."

"You don't have anything to be nervous about," he sighs.

"Oliver, you're going to go from introducing me as your assistant to your girlfriend. You know how that sounds…"

"No, you'll be number two of the ITRD department by then."

"People will think that you created the position for me."

And again with the possible innuendo that doesn't register on her mind. Man he really liked it when she muttered even worse apologies…

"Screw people. We know better. You don't have anything to prove to them. Let them underestimate you — it's their mistake."

She smiles and kisses him quickly, taking the HR papers and putting them back into her purse.

"Should I hand them out tomorrow or do you want to hold on to them?" she asks after a wondering pause.

Oliver wants to shake his head — and Felicity at the same time. Honestly, how many outs does she plan on giving him?

"You know what? I'll give them out myself. Just to see that relieved look you told me so much about."

"You just want to scare them shitless so they don't comment," Felicity smirks knowingly.

Oliver doesn't answer, settling for a non-committal waggle of his eyebrows as Felicity laughs. And once again, he sees the light in her eyes. He's going to get her there.

* * *

Turns out, Oliver is not ready to hear these three little words at any cost. They've never spoken about his fears again, and how she doesn't trust him not to freak if she gets hurt because of her involvement with Green Arrow, or the risks that she takes to lose herself in that quest — what if she has to kill to survive? He can't even think of it.

Once again, it turns out life has other plans.

Over a year ago, Oliver realized that he could lose Felicity to something other than his quest — to a person, to a normal life that he thought she might have wanted. He finally understood that because of the life that he leads, she's exactly the person that he needs to be with.

Life decides to teach him that he can't take what he has for granted and that it has other ways to take Felicity away from him if it really wants to.

Felicity has now lunch with her team in the cafeteria two days a week, in order to have a cohesive group. Oliver thinks it's a good idea even if he wishes he could keep her with him at all times — it's difficult enough contemplating the fact that he'll have to adapt and look at another EA in a few weeks.

Sometimes, she convinces him to do the same — invite the other heads of departments over at the restaurant or at the cafeteria to make them show that they are interested in their employees.

Oliver hates the cafeteria. It's noisy, it's filled with people who stare at him and no one thinks it's normal for him to be there — and he doesn't blame them. Felicity always looks like she belongs. Even with her beautiful designer dresses and high heels, she fits in with her team of nerdy geeks as well as she does in the conference room when she has to stare down and talk in front of the board and other heads of departments.

Oliver is meeting with Felicity's potential replacement — a gorgeous woman that stares at him with googly eyes and tells him that she really looks forward to working with Oliver — when Diggle calls. Honestly, Oliver is so relieved to have a reason to cut the interview short that he would have picked up even without checking the caller I.D.

"I'm sorry, but it's my head of security. Felicity will call you when we've made a decision."

The poor girl looks a little disappointed as Oliver isolates himself in the conference room.

"What's up?"

"Don't freak," John tells him in an even tone that unsettles Oliver.

He's heard that voice. It's the one that means something bad is happening. Something heavy drops in his stomach immediately.

"What happened?" he asks with dread, already walking towards the executive elevator.

"There's a mad man with a gun that has already shot three security men in the hall and is looking for his girlfriend, Kelsey Morell. She apparently dumped him last week."

Oliver's dread is replaced by pure anger as he presses the button to call the elevator. But it doesn't even light. Grunting, he understands that security must have cut these access and heads in the direction of the stairs.

"What? How has he not already been taken down?"

And who the fuck is Kelsey Morell?

"He has roped himself with explosives and is planning on blowing himself off if he doesn't get what he wants. The cops have alerted the bomb squad — it should be there soon."

"Where is he now?"

And he knows before Diggle tells him. Of course he knows. Because life is a bitch and there's just no way he can be happy without something screwing it up.

"He's locked himself in the cafeteria along with fifty other QC employees."

"Felicity…" Oliver gurgles in absolute fear.

"…is alive, staying seated like he asked and not looking for trouble. I'm looking at her through the monitor right outside the room as we speak. Oliver…"

"Your next words better not be that I should stay where I am."

He hears Diggle's shaky sigh in his ear, as his feet skip many steps in order to get down to the seventh floor more efficiently.

"She's going to be okay. QC can't risk having you in danger. If he blows himself off…"

"How the fuck did he get past security?" Oliver roars, not hearing Diggle because the possibility of that asshole detonating the bomb and killing Felicity — he doesn't even care about the other employees at that point — makes him sick to his stomach.

"I told you, he shot the security agents and walked straight to the cafeteria. Most people in the lobby ran when he pulled the trigger. The building is being evacuated as we speak."

Oliver keeps jumping the steps, looking at the numbers on the wall change as he does. Sixteenth floor, fifteenth floor, fourteenth floor… When he reaches the thirteenth floor he is overwhelmed with the shouts of people running down the stairs in worry, whispering questions and beginning to panic. He can't go as fast anymore and the frustration rises in his chest as he has to slow down.

"You're on the seventh floor?" he asks as calmly as possible.

"Yes. Behind the corner in the hallway, not right behind the doors."

"And you're looking at her?"

"Edward has linked the video camera from the cafeteria to a few monitors that we brought down when we realized that he'd locked himself in the cafeteria. She's fine, Oliver."

"What does that asshole want?"

Oliver wishes it was nighttime and not at QC. He could suit up as Green Arrow and solve that problem in a second without even having to kill the guy. Just like he did with the Dodger, one single arrow in the man's wrist and there's no more risk for anyone.

"His girlfriend, and the possibility to leave after."

"Well where is she?"

He reaches the tenth floor, zigzagging between people, pushing them out of his way as he keeps flying down the stairs as fast as he can. Only three left. He hears Diggle sigh once more, and Oliver knows he is not going to like the answer.

"She took a sick day."

"_What_?" Oliver yells. "She's not even here?"

"We've sent someone to get her and bring her here, but it's risky. We don't know how powerful his bomb is and we can't really see anything with the doors closed but it looks like C4."

Oliver tries to recall the design of the cafeteria. It has many windows, which means that the police will try to call for snipers and have them settle in the building across the street to shoot him down… Oliver tries to reason that they'll only do it if they're sure it won't detonate the bomb at the same time but deep down he's not fully convinced.

He eventually reaches the seventh floor and opens the door forcefully, walking nervously in the direction of the main hallway. He finds Diggle, Edward Raymond and a few other security people standing in front of monitors, biting their nails. Oliver hangs up and heads towards his friend.

"Can we talk to him?"

"Oliver," Diggle says, stepping between the monitors and him.

That's when he hears her voice, a little unsteady but still firm.

"I'm sure she's on her way right now but you should anticipate, Marcus."

Oliver feels his eyes bug out of his face; anger, dread, and gut-wrenching fear all melt into something nasty that makes his head swirl and his limbs feel numb.

"You said she was going to be fine," he grounds out.

"And she _is_. She was on the phone with Edward when the guy barged in. She didn't hang up, and she's doing great, talking him down."

"You said she wasn't looking for trouble, Digg! How is her talking that mad man down not looking for trouble?"

Diggle tries to put his hand on his shoulder but Oliver doesn't let him. He pushes his friend away and sees Felicity seated like Diggle described, hands on the table, looking straight at the skinny disheveled man who is literally surrounded by C4. He's clinging at some detonator with a shaky hand that won't stop trembling, while his other one holds steadily onto a gun as he looks everywhere around him and stays far from the windows.

Oliver's fists clench and unclench with every frantic heartbeat as a lump obstructs his throat.

"Listen to me Marcus, _anticipate_," Felicity keeps saying. "Free some people, as a sign of good faith right now, before the police arrive. It'll prove that you don't want to hurt anyone."

Oliver looks over the room from varying angles and tries to count the people seated on the tables. There's over fifty of them, from numerous different departments and positions. Most of them are either crying or looking down on the floor, praying for mercy.

"I need leverage," Marcus says, his eyes roaming frenziedly over the room, never settling on anything for more than a second. "I need leverage so she can hear me out. She was supposed to be here. She's dating someone here, and she has lunch with him every day I know."

"Okay, okay. Just… Please, at least the interns. They're young — let the interns go."

Marcus's eyes drop on Felicity and he doesn't blink for a long moment as he thinks her proposition over.

"How many interns are there here?"

Lance barges into the hallway, an impressive number of medics and the swat team in tow as Diggle begins to explain what has been going on. If Oliver had bothered to look away from the monitor, he would have seen Lance's torn up reaction upon hearing that Felicity is the one negotiating with the mad man. But Oliver's attention is stuck on his girlfriend as he witnesses four kids stand up on wobbly legs and walk slowly in the direction of the exit.

"You open the door. Don't think about leaving or I'll shoot you."

Felicity nods in consent and stands to let the kids go. Oliver finds himself turning the corner to face the exit, Lance following him immediately with a few officers to recover the interns.

It lasts a second as the kids run through the barely open door, but he knows Felicity is looking for him. He stares at her pleadingly, begging her to escape, to be safe, to do everything in her power not to get hurt. He scarcely has time to see the fear in her eyes before the door closes down.

"No!" Diggle and Felicity yell at the same time.

Oliver doesn't have time to move before he hears a gun shot that makes the walls vibrate. His heart stops immediately.

"I said just the interns!" Marcus screams

"No!" Felicity repeats.

He hears Lance curse and sees him wipe a hand over his face.

"What an idiot!"

When Oliver finds the strength to run back to the monitors, he sees Felicity on the ground, face and dress covered in splutters of blood, next to a man laying on the floor. Oliver stops breathing for a second then registers that she's applying pressure on the man's chest with quickly reddening hands. He understands that he must have tried to run for the hills, only to be stopped. It doesn't escape him that Marcus the Mad Man has excellent aim.

"I warned everyone," Marcus says shakily. "I said I would shoot people if they tried to escape. No more good faith."

Oliver sees Felicity gulp but nod. His own head is swimming with disgust, anger and pure relief.

"I want Kelsey now," Marcus states.

"The police are outside," Felicity articulates, and Oliver hears the tears of anger in her voice. "I'm sure Kelsey will be here soon."

"She better be. Or I'll kill someone every ten minutes until she is."

Marcus yells in the direction of the phone and Oliver realizes that he knows someone has been listening to the conversation the whole time. Felicity clenches her jaw but says nothing, and that's when Detective Lance unmutes Edward's phone and begins to talk to the man.

"Marcus Hendricks?" he says with a steady voice. "We heard you. I can guarantee you right now that Kelsey is on her way."

That's when Oliver notices that Diggle is on the phone with her, explaining the situation. He hears her teary voice respond that her boyfriend is an engineer suffering from a bipolar disorder and hasn't been taking his medication. With every word, Oliver feels his strength disappear as he comprehends that the chances of this man staying stable are slim to none.

Oliver also realizes that he's not in charge of the situation. At all. He's so used to being the leader, ordering around and making decisions and there he is, CEO of a multinational company, forcing his way into something he has no right to be privy to, being a useless tool. He's just staring in anguish at the monitor, praying that nothing happens to Felicity while Diggle reacts for him.

Since Lian-Yu, this has never happened to him. He has always known what to do, or at least fucking reacted — out of fear, to survive, to protect.

"She better be here in less than ten minutes otherwise I'll shoot her," Marcus says, designating the woman closest to him, a forty-year old looking lady that Oliver has never seen before.

"She's stuck in traffic, Marcus, please hold on, I promise you'll talk to her. We can make her talk to you through the phone right now."

"No. Face to face or I'll blow myself off."

Then Marcus does the last thing Oliver expects and hangs up. As the sound disappears, a buzzing white noise fills Oliver's ears. He can just see Felicity's lips move, but he can't know what she's saying and he finds himself wishing angrily that she'd shut up and lay low.

Can't she fucking lay low for once?

"She's going to be fine," Lance mutters, his hand on Oliver's shoulder.

But Oliver hears the worry in his voice and he can't believe the words. One of the men from the SWAT team informs Lance that the bomb squad is close and that the snipers are in place and waiting for Marcus to make a mistake.

"Where is she? Where's the girlfriend?" Lance asks.

Diggle shakes his head. "She'll be there in fifteen."

Oliver starts pacing in the hallway, his eyes incapable of leaving the monitors. He sees the life drain from the man quickly, and he witnesses Felicity plead with Marcus for something — probably letting him go with the medics — but Marcus shakes his head mercilessly again and again.

After five minutes, Felicity drops her head in defeat and sinks down, her back against the door. She's not pressuring anything anymore, and Oliver gulps because that can only mean one thing.

"Shit," Lance curses. "Who was he?"

But Oliver shakes his head, focusing on Felicity's trembling red hands and she wipes her face, spreading blood on her cheek and under her eyes to wipe the tears that are falling.

Oliver has never felt as helpless as he does right now. Even when Ivo threatened to shoot Shado and Sara, even when Slade did the same with Thea and his mother, he felt like he could physically act, or scream, or volunteer in their stead.

Right now there is literally nothing he can do. He can't be Green Arrow, he can't trade himself with Felicity because he knows no one will let him, he can't speak his way out of that situation, he can't offer money to a person that crazy because it's obvious he won't give a flying fuck about being richer.

The only thing Oliver can do is stare at the screen that displays the scene from four different angles and hope against hope that that Marcus guy makes a mistake or decides that he can release his hostages.

Oliver twists the problem in his head every way he can. There's no way this is going to end well. None. Even if Kelsey gets there, she will probably not want to face her ex boyfriend and risk her life for a bunch of coworkers that she barely even knows. And even if she is brave enough to face him, she can't do anything to prevent that nutcase from blowing himself off.

After ten minutes, Marcus calls back and asks if Kelsey is around. Lance lies and tells him she's walking up the stairs because they have shut down the elevators, and it almost works. Marcus ponders for a moment, then he makes the woman stand in front of him. He sees Felicity stand up at the same time and walk towards him, her hands raised before her as she talks to him.

Oliver closes his eyes because_ of course she's going to try to save the woman_. She won't let things just happen, she's going to do everything in her power to help because he knows that she'll feel like she killed these people if she doesn't at least try.

"Where is she?" Lance asks Diggle.

"She's in the lobby," he whispers.

Lance calls Marcus back and he stalls for a moment, as the security team reactivates the elevators. Within a minute, a petite redhead with curly hair and deep brown eyes steps out. She really looks sick and feverish, her eyes a little out of focus.

Oliver walks in her direction, but he doesn't really know what for. What is he going to do? Blame her for her poor choice in men and her untimely sickness? None of this is her fault.

"She's here, Marcus, she's here, don't shoot," Lance pleads in the phone.

Everyone watches as the man freezes.

"I'm so sorry, I am so _so_ sorry, please I didn't know he would do that," Kelsey sobs.

"It's okay, we know that. It's not what matters right now," Diggle whispers. "He's going to want to talk to you to prove that you're really here, and then he'll want to see you."

She begins to shake her head in raw terror.

"I can't! I can't! Please…"

Oliver knows he shouldn't blame her. He repeats in his head that it's not her fault. That she couldn't know. That any normal human being would not volunteer to go talk to a nutjob wearing a belt of C4 and carrying a gun. That if she steps in, there's ninety percent chance of him pushing that damn button anyway.

But he sees Felicity standing, drenched in blood that isn't hers, as she tries to calm somebody else's ex-boyfriend; Felicity whose only mistake was to eat in the freaking cafeteria in order to be a good manager; Felicity who would have volunteered without a second thought and he comes close to ripping that idiot woman apart.

His hands fly to his hair, running through it in complete fear. He can't lose her. He didn't lose her to Aaron, he didn't lose her when she pushed him away, he's always been her choice. She's always been worried that he'd leave her because of his fear that something Arrow related comes between them, that something will make him leave because it's too hard.

Oliver can't believe that once again, he's underestimated life. There are so many ways life can come between them, he doesn't even know how to process that, because he's not prepared. He's done everything right this time. He's listened to her, to her fears. He's told her he loves her, he hasn't let her go when things got rough… He can't lose her when he did everything right. Not now. He has barely had time to enjoy what being happy means. Life can't possibly rip it away now, can it?

Pure rage fills him as the thoughts spin in his mind. Why can't he do anything? Why is he so powerless when he has the world at his feet? He feels himself spiraling as he hears Diggle managing to calm Kelsey a little before Lance hands her the cellphone.

"Marcus? Marcus please, stop this now. Please. Before anyone else gets hurt."

"I can't, Kels, I can't."

The rest of the conversation is a bunch of nonsense and pleads of forgiveness, and soon enough the woman that Marcus was threatening to shoot slides back into her chair, her body wrecking with terrified sobs. Felicity has stopped moving, standing perfectly still as Marcus keeps speaking into the phone.

"I want to see you," he tells Kelsey. "I want you to come in here."

Kelsey tenses and starts crying again, but Oliver finds himself unmoved by her fear. He'll feel terrible about it later. Lance tries to look for a loophole, as Kelsey's lips wobble.

"I don't want to go," she barely gets out.

"I want you to show me who your new boyfriend is. I know he's here with us."

And then Felicity's voice interrupts his rant.

"I know who it is. Let everyone go, and I'll tell you who it is."

Oliver freezes. How can she know that? How the hell does she know who random people in the company are sleeping with? Oliver notices in the corner a man shrinking on himself, but Marcus is too focused on Felicity to notice anything.

"What? How do you know?"

"I've become good friends with Kelsey after the break up — she was really sad about it," Felicity lies. "She's kind-hearted and she told me she felt bad for leaving you and that she wanted to get back together with you but that man wouldn't leave her alone. Does that sound right?"

Kelsey looks in absolute terror at Diggle, Lance and Oliver and they all know that not a single word that have left Felicity's mouth is true.

"You're here to save her, we all know that," she keeps on going. "Save her from that new guy, save her from herself…"

Oliver is so thankful that she doesn't walk towards him, closer to the bomb. His heart is in his mouth because if Marcus realizes that everything is wrong, they're done. But as usual, Felicity has found the perfect words and used her compassion to soothe his pain, and Marcus nods in approval.

"That's what I thought. Where is he?"

"Let everyone go and I'll tell you. Start with the women if you want."

The medics run to the hallway as Marcus mulls the idea over and eventually nods.

"You stay though," he insists, setting Oliver's nerves on fire. "And Kelsey comes in."

"No," Felicity answers before Lance can get a word out. "No, Kelsey comes in after I tell you who the man is. Not a second before."

All the women have stood up and they usher out of the room as quickly as possible. None of them look at the dead body on the floor, too relieved to get out of there alive. The medics catch all of them and run downstairs. Felicity manages to get Marcus to let most men go — the man Kelsey is having a relationship with is in that group, to Kelsey's surprise.

Oliver's heart stops because he understands what Felicity's plan is and there are so many possibilities of it backfiring it can't possibly work.

"Who is it? You better not be lying to me!" Marcus yells.

"He's still here. Please let everyone go."

When only two men are left in the room with her and Marcus, the crazed bomber begins to pace angrily and Oliver notices the tension that inhabits Felicity.

"WHO IS IT?"

She knows she can't hold it off any longer and points at the dead man on the floor.

"It was him," she lies. "You've already killed him. Please let everyone go."

That's when the bomb squad makes its arrival. They talk quickly with Lance before demanding that they evacuate the building immediately. Marcus looks like he's losing it, hesitating between thinking that he's being played — which he is — and believing Felicity.

He gets lost in a crazed ramble that is barely coherent and keeps on escalating, turning into a complete nonsense of anger.

Oliver feels someone take hold of his shoulder but he pushes them off, hypnotized by the scene on display through the monitor, unable to process something other than the thought that this is not going to end well.

"I am not leaving," he grunts.

_"If you're not leaving, I'm not leaving,"_ she'd told him the night of the undertaking.

"Mr Queen, this is not a request. The bomb does not seem as powerful as he makes it look like, but there are serious risks that the building might fall down. There will be no one in that building if Marcus Hendricks decides to detonate that bomb."

In the cafeteria, Felicity is slowly stepping back, sensing that her hold on Marcus is slipping away.

"I'm not leaving," Oliver repeats, his heart in his mouth.

He's going to vomit.

Lance tries to tug him away as everyone obeys and evacuates the scene but Oliver stays rooted in his spot. He can't tear his eyes away from the screen. This is not going to end well, he can't help but repeat in his head. This is not going to end well. Kelsey has gone back downstairs, saving herself and all hope disappears into thin air when Oliver sees Marcus roar in rage, raise his gun and aim in the general direction of the three people that are left with him.

"No," Diggle breathes out.

Oliver's lungs stop working altogether.

Marcus shoots one man in the leg, the second one in the hip and Oliver sees as Felicity runs in the direction of the door.

She's saving herself. For once, she's saving herself.

Oliver doesn't think, doesn't wait, he rushes through the hall, pushing everyone away from him, ready to grab Felicity and make a run for it.

"QUEEN NO!" somebody shouts behind him.

"OLIVER!" Diggle screams at the same time.

That's when the explosion blasts everything. Oliver feels the ground shake beneath his feet and the walls crumble and vibrate violently around him as the big white doors burst open and debris fly around.

He shrinks, unable to move for a few seconds, his ears ringing, his head swimming, his gut churning. He has to cough and blink the ashes, dust and blood away but as soon as he catches his breath, he forces himself to stand and yells.

"FELICITY!"

Oliver knows there's a good chance the building might fall apart, but he can't bring himself to care. The blast was big enough to destroy the cafeteria, but the hall is still okay. He walks towards the devastated room without thinking as he tries to disperse the smoke away with his hand.

"FELICITY!" he shouts again, but he can't hear anything over the buzzing noise that fills his head.

When he reaches the perimeter that has exploded, Oliver barely sees the blood and pieces of gut that are spread all over the concrete and debris of tables, chairs and other random objects. He's too focused on looking for Felicity's long blond hair, Felicity's bright green dress, Felicity's sparkly purple-colored nails.

Eventually, he hears a cough and he finds her under a broken table that he has no trouble moving.

"Felicity!" he repeats uselessly.

"Oliver," she whispers.

She's covered in blood and dust, it all blends together in some disgusting mixture that tames the kaleidoscope that she is. There is a gashing wound on her head that bleeds an awful lot, and she doesn't really move when he kneels close to her. Oliver can tell that she's in shock.

"Shh, shh, don't speak."

"Oliver," she repeats as she blinks. "I didn't… I didn't look for trouble."

He bends over to try to carry her as Diggle joins them, but he sees that her ankle is not entirely following her body. It's completely broken and Oliver is scared to death when Felicity doesn't even flinch from the pain that she should be feeling.

"I know," he says. "It's okay."

He repeats it over and over, and he knows Felicity doesn't hear it, that he's repeating it as a mantra because he wants to convince himself. The medics have all left the building and are waiting seven floors below. The bomb squad is dispersing to search for the other two men that Oliver has completely forgotten about, and he looks at Diggle in alarm.

What is he supposed to do?

Felicity has her hands gathered on her left side, prompting Oliver to notice that an enormous piece of glass has penetrated the skin right above her hip. She has trouble breathing but she's staring at him in absolute terror.

"I haven't said it back," she utters weakly.

"What?" he says, caressing her hair with trembling hands, deciding that it's better not to move her at all.

He turns to Digg who rushes away to look for anyone who works for a hospital.

Felicity has difficulty gulping, and she keeps blinking, refusing to break eye contact as if scared that he might disappear. She's gripping his forearm with surprising strength, spreading barely dry blood all over his shirt and skin. He doesn't even know if she's fully conscious right now or if it's just adrenaline rushing through her veins, trauma making her body react on instinct.

"I haven't said it back," she repeats, and Oliver understands what she's talking about.

She's talking about the I love you that he's been waiting for so long.

"I don't care. You'll tell me later."

She better not tell him that she loves him because she thinks she's going to die. This is the lamest cliché, the most overused trope and he's not going to let her do it. He deserves better. She owes him a better I love you than a dying one.

"No," she stammers, and Oliver can tell it's getting tougher for her to keep her eyes open. "I can tell you now."

"Don't you dare," he articulates, his throat tight. "Felicity, don't you dare tell me now. You'll tell me tomorrow. And the day after that."

She blinks harder.

"But what if I die?" she asks.

There's something misty prickling Oliver's eyes and he realizes when he gulps that it's tears.

"You're not going to die. You've never left me before. You better not start now."

Felicity smiles and closes her eyes.

"Okay," she slurs. "I won't."

"Felicity," he calls when she doesn't blink them open again. "Felicity, wake up. Wake up. Felicity…"

Oliver pleads again and again, but that day, Felicity doesn't wake up.

* * *

She stays true to her promise, as usual. She doesn't die, doesn't leave him. She wakes up the next evening, after eleven hours of surgery to fix her ankle and stitch an internal bleeding where the glass was stuck. She doesn't go into cardiac arrest, doesn't need to be put into a coma, she just rests for an entire day while Oliver, Diggle, Thea and Roy pace around the room and wait for her to open her eyes in complete worry.

She doesn't remember much of the hostage crisis, much less what happened after the explosion because of the trauma and concussion — which fills Oliver with relief. When he tells her that she won't be able to walk for six good months, Felicity shrugs and comments that at least she can wear her panda flats again.

"And let's be positive! There is a silver lining to this!"

"There is?" Diggle deadpans.

"I mean, it's more for Oliver than for me really, 'cause I'm now officially stuck at the foundry. No more field work for that lady!" she points both her thumbs in her direction, eliciting a dry laugh from Diggle and a shy grin from Oliver. "Kidding, I'm no lady."

He doesn't tell her that he'd trade anything for never having to live such a terrible situation ever again. It might give her ideas.

Felicity comes out of the hospital a week later. She turns out to be such a pain about doing nothing that after three days, Oliver, Diggle and Roy are forced to move most of the computer set up out of the foundry and into Oliver and Felicity's apartment. Only then does she stop pestering everyone and making everybody's life a complete hell.

Oliver had never known she could be so insufferable.

QC is shut down for two weeks for construction and the investigation. After that, it's proven that the building won't fall apart and they reopen floor by floor, moving people around if need be. It's Oliver's turn to be a pain when he has to go back to work and hire and new executive assistant. He settles for an older woman in her late forties that reminds him a little bit of Raisa back when he was a kid. Felicity approves whole-heartedly, and he knows that she was worried about him hiring that very hot and eager secretary that had an impressive resume and as impressive cleavage.

Raisa 2.0 is awesome. She actually makes him coffee, she never complains, she keeps his schedule open enough that he can slack off easily (and take extra long lunch breaks) but busy enough that he doesn't see the day go by. She's very discreet, doesn't try to engage that much and has the best cover up stories when he doesn't show up at a meeting but Oliver doesn't tell any of that to Felicity.

He does tell her that he can't get used to the new view though. He tells her how much he regrets that the wall is made of glass now that he doesn't have his girlfriend to stare at. It gets him a fond "awww" from Felicity and he adds points to his 'best boyfriend of the year' score (he's winning against himself).

The night after when he gets home he is surprised by the delicious smell of something cooking. The couch is empty, and Felicity is not seated behind her new desk full of computers screens. He looks for her in the kitchen but she's not there either, and he has the good idea to turn off the oven before the food burns. He's getting worried because Felicity is not supposed to be standing, really.

She is not supposed to put her foot down and is supposed to use crutches but she hates them because she always stumbles on them and almost falls off every time she has tried to walk with them.

"Felicity?"

He spots the dinner table dressed with candles. In the eight months they've been dating, and the four months they have been living together, Felicity has never once made him dinner. Oliver frowns, thinking back in panic, but it's not their anniversary, he's positive it's nobody's birthday, and oh god has he forgotten something?

"Oh nooo! You're home!"

He looks up and sees Felicity's disappointed face through the door that leads to their bedroom. Oliver arches an eyebrow.

"Oh honey you always say the sweetest things," he snarks.

"I'm sorry," she sighs as she opens the door fully and reveals a breathtaking set of dark green lingerie under a silky, very transparent nightgown. "I really suck at surprises…"

Oliver's mouth dries and he has to blink repeatedly before he can utter his next sentence.

"You look like you're doing fine to me…"

"You try putting on tight underwear when you're wearing a cast!" Felicity throws as she tries to keep her balance by holding herself against the doorframe. "It's hard to be sexy when you have a huge heavy thing that drags you down and you can't wear heels. Trust me, I tried, and I'm really glad that no one was there to witness it because if that wasn't the definition of pathetic I don't know what is…"

He shakes his head, hesitating between amusement and full on arousal.

"You're always sexy."

Felicity gives him a dubious side eye and snorts.

"Yeah right. You have to say that, you're my boyfriend," she deflects, and sighs again. "I just wanted to set the mood…"

He walks towards her and doesn't wait before he snakes his arms around her waist as she grumbles that last sentence.

"Felicity, I'm a guy. You don't have to set the mood. The mood is always set, trust me on that one."

He feels Felicity tense and her face can't hide a certain shyness that worries him.

"I… You're not just saying that?"

"What are you talking about?" he asks, brushing her loose hair behind her shoulder, his fingers reveling in its softness.

"Well… I mean, I don't know, you haven't exactly _tried_ anything since the incident. It has been a while and there's usually no 'while' with you if you get my drift, and okay no way we could have done it at the hospital because, ew, huge turn off and don't get me started on stitches, but…"

It's the way she avoids his eyes. She's confronting him, opening up but not exactly telling him what's wrong either. He has to piece stuff together and he can't fathom what she's implying.

"Hold on, you think I'm not attracted to you anymore? Because we haven't had sex in over two weeks?"

"Three weeks and four days, but who's counting?" she mutters under her breath.

He blinks at her, shocked and sad that she can still imagine that he will lose interest in her. He doesn't even know where to start, at that point. It feels like a losing battle.

"You were practically blown apart and almost died in my arms, Felicity. It took a toll on me as much as it took a toll on you. And I didn't want you to feel pressured into anything you might not have felt ready for. Me, not jumping your bones the moment you came out of the hospital? That was me trying to be respectful and sensitive."

"Oh."

"I mean, I totally appreciate the effort," he says, his eyes roaming over her body hungrily, taking in and appreciating the _greenness_ of everything, from her short earrings down to her nail polish. "You… _man_ do I appreciate the effort. But you don't need that to get my attention. Believe me."

She smiles shyly, her eyes glinting with that same light that he has seen growing in the past months. He finds himself grinning back, his hips chasing hers as she bites her lips.

"Okay," she breathes out.

"Good," he says, punctuating the word with a trail of kisses down her neck. He feels her giggle and respond immediately to him — and _god_ had he missed that. "Because now that you went through all this trouble though, it would be a complete shame to let it go to waste."

Being respectful and sensitive was easy at first when he was scared to death that she wouldn't make it but now that she's obviously fine and apparently horny, Oliver is really, _really_ glad that she has taken matters into her own hands.

Felicity tilts her head aside to give him more room as he presses her against the wall between the living-room and their bedroom, her hand plunging in his hair while the other pulls his shirt out of his pants.

"Here, here," she mutters.

"I mean, you _cooked_," Oliver insists, leaning back to stare at the flimsy sexy gown that wraps her frame. He sort of forgets what he was talking about for a second, trying to figure out where to start because the sight of her wearing his color turns him on so much it's becoming very creepy. "I didn't even know you could."

She cups his jaw and makes him look at her in the eyes. His hands take a life of their own and brush her sides through the fabric, each brush eliciting new shivers that make Felicity's voice waver a little bit.

"Oh I definitely can't. 'Spent my years at MIT feeding myself with noodle soup, mac and cheese and mint chocolate chip ice cream. I think I ate my first vegetables in years at that dumpling place my first week at QC."

He kisses her then, his tongue already seeking entrance in her mouth, his fingers fighting the pressing desire to rip her lingerie apart. He knows she'll get mad if he does. Surprisingly, for once it's Felicity who chooses to slow things down, unbuttoning his shirt unhurriedly, enticing him with a sultry gaze that he doesn't even try to escape.

He stops touching her then, settling his hands on the wall on each side of her face, keeping his lips close enough to hers that he can feel it when she bites her bottom one as he revels in her hungry stare and warm, wandering fingers.

"You bought it and poured it in the pan," he whispers. "If that's not cooking…"

She chuckles throatily, her eyes stuck on the skin that appears after each freed button, and he doesn't resist. His head dips to suck on her pulse point, the only physical contact between them, his nose soon nuzzling the soft skin under her ear.

"I considered trying the old fashioned way," Felicity responds weakly. "And then I remembered the Fried Chicken Catastrophe of '09 and how all my roommates were sick for a week and I figured I wouldn't do that to you, I love you too much for that."

He freezes in her throat then, but Felicity isn't phased because her hands are pushing his shirt open, and her lips are seeking his heated skin.

"_What did you just say_?" he whispers, because he can't believe it.

"What?" she asks distractedly, frowning when she realizes that he has pushed her away. She blinks, thinking back to her previous sentence and he knows instantly when she puts the finger on what he's referring to. And once again, she surprises him when she stomps her foot down — the bad one — and shouts in pain.

"Are you okay?" he fusses, worried.

"Aoutch! Nooo! Aoutch _man_ _that hurts_! Everything is going wrong!"

"You didn't mean to say it?" he presses with a flat voice as she winces and jumps on her left foot.

"What? No! I mean — _yes_, duh, I _cooked_, sort of — but not now against the wall while we're making out!"

She waves at the wall like its existence is a personal offense and settles her leg back gently.

"Why not?"

"Because… because it's…" she's looking for words. "Because that's a lame story! I bought candles and tried being a girl for once!"

Oliver loves Felicity with all his heart, he really does, and he might feel light-headed and giddy with the knowledge that she finally said it voluntarily but sometimes she makes it really hard for him to follow her train of thoughts.

"When are you not a girl?"

"I don't know! I meant romantic-girly like in the movies!"

"You put on lingerie, bought candles and 'sort of' made dinner just to tell me that you loved me?"

He doesn't even care that she's basically treating him like a fifteen year-old girl right before she loses her virginity. He's weirdly moved that she has noticed how much he craved it and that she went out of her way to make it special. Maybe deep down he really is a fifteen year-old girl. Where she's concerned.

He's not going to tell her that though. A man has got to keep a little bit of dignity.

She shrugs sheepishly. "I mean… I was looking for the right moment and it always felt staged, or weird 'cause of dire situations and stuff, you know?"

"Felicity, I yelled it at you when I told you the first time. How was that the right moment?"

She opens her mouth, looking for an answer.

"That makes for a great story though."

"You _freaked_."

"_Detail_," she shrugs, but he sees the shame in her eyes as she settles them on the dressed up table. "I don't know, I mean… You've been so patient with me, I just wanted it to be special."

Oliver doesn't hold back the beaming smile that spreads his lips, nor the glint of happiness that illuminates his eyes.

"You're worth the wait."

She grins shyly, blushing, and kisses him.

"We can make it extra-special and have our very first sex in a cast. I don't mean 'in a cast' as us cuddled in the cast, 'cause how would that even work? More like my leg is in a cast, and you're in m…"

She shuts her mouth when she spots Oliver's eyebrows rising on his forehead and bites her lips awkwardly. He can't help the chuckle that escapes him, nor the way his eyes darken at the idea of _where_ exactly he's going to end up.

But first, he has to act like the sap that he really is inside as he props her in his arms and heads for their bedroom. His heart melts when she laughs — a true, genuine, heartfelt laugh that makes him fall in love with her all over again.

"Say it again."

She looks down on him, her eyes glistening with joy, and cups his jaw.

"I'm in love with you, Oliver Queen."

"Good."

He kisses her as he lays her on their bed.

As he leans back, Oliver looks at her, taking all of Felicity in — from the hair around her face that spreads in a beautiful golden halo, to the breathtaking green lingerie, and the delicious pink shade of her blushing skin.

His kaleidoscope of colors.

"'Cause I'm in love with you too."

**[THE END]**

* * *

**Author's Note:** Yeah, I know, you guys have cavities at that point. I've never written something that was so "corny" but after the hostage crisis… (do I get points for not putting it as a cliffhanger?) I couldn't do anymore angst. Never say never, but I really don't see a sequel to this story, I think I've explored everything I wanted out of that set up.

I have a Veronica Mars story to finish up this summer that's long overdue (and written in French) but then I have a few ideas about fatherhood (the producers said they'd planted the seeds in season 2 to reap everything in season 3, too soon for a Connor storyline if you ask me but hey I'm not a producer/writer on the show). But my main issue with writing another story is related to the finale. I need to know if Felicity knew Oliver's plan — to me, she had to know the general idea of the 'he took the wrong woman' part of the plan, but many people's arguments make me doubt it. I want to deal with the "I love you" thing, but I have the weirdest OCD and I can't do that until I know what the producers meant. I'm pretty sure it'll be the first question at the Comic Con panel but in the mean time, I'll be thinking over what the fatherhood-story "plot" will be. So yeah.

That was one hell of an author's note, sorry 'bout that.

**Thank you** so much for reading that sequel! That was so much fun for me, I hope it was as fun for you! I can't wait to hear your thoughts!


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